Sheila's turret is pointed at Grif, then it turns to Simmons.
Grif: Why is it just sitting there?
Simmons: Just trying to mess with our heads. Let's get back to the Warthog.
Cut to Sheila's HUD.
Sheila: This tank is equipped with an auto-fire sequence that can be activated by pressing the auto-fire button.
Caboose: Auto-fire, auto-fire, here, here! No, wait... okay, that's more a switch than a button...
Sheila: [in the background] This will end the tutorial, and should only be activated if proper safety procedures-
Cut to Simmons and Grif.
Simmons: Okay, you ready? Let's do this on three. One...
Grif: Wait. On three? Or three and then go?
Simmons: On three. It's always faster to go on three.
Grif: Okay, okay. On three.
Cut to Sheila's HUD.
Caboose: Here! [click]
Sheila: Tutorial deactivated. Auto-fire sequence activated.
Cut to Simmons.
Simmons: Ready?
Cut to Sheila's HUD.
Sheila: Acquiring target.
Cut to Church and Tucker.
Church: I'm going for the jeep. Cover me.
Cut to Simmons and Grif. Grif is backing away.
Simmons: One...
Grif turns around and starts running away. The view cuts to Sheila's HUD, her crosshair following Grif.
Sheila: Target acquired.
Cut to Grif running.
Grif: [panting heavily] Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit...
Cut to Simmons.
Simmons: Two...
Cut to Sheila's HUD locking onto Grif.
Sheila: Target locked.
Cut to Church running toward the Warthog. He's panting loudly.
Cut to Simmons.
Simmons: Three! [turns around and sees Grif running away] Oh, you back-stabbing cock bite!
Sheila: Firing main cannon.
Sheila fires and blows up the Warthog right in front of Grif.
Cut to Simmons.
Simmons: [crouches next to Sheila Son of a bitch!
Cut to Grif.
Grif: SON OF A BITCH!
Cut to Church.
Church: [near the explosion] Son of a bitch!
Sheila: Firing main cannon.
Simmons: Shit!
Sheila fires.
Simmons: Son of a bitch! God...
Sheila: Firing main cannon.
Simmons: ...dammit!
Sheila fires.
Sheila: Firing main cannon. [fires]
Cut to Church running back up to meet Tucker.
Tucker: Hey dude, the jeep blew up.
Church: No kidding. Thanks for the update, Tucker.
Cut to Grif and Simmons hiding behind a rock.
Sheila: Firing main cannon. [fires, hits the rock]
Simmons: [mocking Grif] Hey, I have a GREAT idea. Let's get out of the jeep and sneak around the back of the rock.
Sheila: Firing main cannon. [fires, hits the rock]
Simmons: Great plan, you idiot!
Cut to Sheila's HUD looking over the rock.
Sheila: All targets eliminated. Acquiring new target.
Her crosshair starts panning up and to the left.
Cut to Church and Tucker with Church standing in the open looking down at the tank.
Church: Hey, Tucker, look at this, man - it's the rookie! And he brought tank out to scare off the reds.
Tucker: What? No way!
Church: Hey, rookie! Good job, man! Why didn't you tell us you knew how to drive the tank?
Sheila: New target acquired. [spinning turret around to aim at Church]
Cut to Sheila's HUD, her crosshair slowly panning up the cliffside at Church.
Caboose: That's not a target. That's Church!
Church: Yeah, that's right, it's me, Church! What's going on, man?
Sheila: [locking on to Church] Target locked.
Cut to Caboose in the driver's seat.
Caboose: What!? No! Target unlock! Unlock! Please help me, nice lady!
Cut to Sheila.
Sheila: Firing main cannon.
Cut to Caboose.
Caboose: Uh oh...
Cut to Tucker.
Tucker: Uh oh...
Cut to Church.
Church: What? ..Oh, son of a bi-
Church is shot and launched into the air. His body hits the rock face and lands back on the ledge. Cut to Tucker.
Tucker: Holy fuck! Church, are you okay? Talk to me! Church!
Cut to Sheila. Tucker is visible on the cliff in the distance as he yells at Caboose.
Tucker: You shot Church, you team-killing fucktard!
Sheila: Auto-fire sequence deactivated.
Church: [dying] Tucker! ...T-Tucker!
Tucker: Church! It's going to be okay, man.
Church: No. Ah... I'm na-I'm not gonna make it. Tucker... there's something I need to tell you.
Tucker: What is it?
Church: I just want you to know.. I always hated you. I always hated you the most. Rayner's second.
Tucker: Yeah, I know you did. Now hurry up and die, you prick.
Church: Okay. Herk!...Bleah...
Tucker: .... Rayner's not gonna like this.
YOU ARE READING
Red vs Blue : Mirage
HumorFormer mercenary Kyle Rayner has lived a rough life. After retiring from mercenary work he sought to live a normal life, but soon learns how hard it is to adjust to civilian life after all the grueling missions he's been on. So, he does the next bes...
