Fade in to a distant shot of the Blues, yet their voices are just as loud as they normally are.
Rayner: (standing in front of a suitcase) Alright, I've packed all your meals for the next two days. Tucker you make sure Caboose doesn't eat his all at once. There's extra clothes as well. Your toiletries are in the small dark blue bag in the corner. Oh, I also put some band aids and disinfectant in there just in case one of you hurts yourselves. You got all that Tucker?
Tucker: Yes mom...
Church: Well, good luck guys. Don't forget to change your underwear at least once a day. Tucker, that goes double for you.
Tucker: Why? I'm the second cleanest guy here.
Church: No, it goes double for you because now you're in charge of changing Caboose's as well.
Tucker: I hate you.
Crunchbite: Blorgh!
Andy: He doesn't wear any pants.
Tucker: Yeah, we noticed. If we meet anybody on this adventure, that might have to change.
Andy: Why, we're used to being naked. Free-ballin', come on! Commando.
Tucker: Let me just put it this way; I felt less threatened when Tex was staring at just the sword.
Tex: Huh what- oh, fyeuh uhm, yeah, uh- I was just admiring his… his alien… muscle structure.
Tucker: Yeah one particular part of his muscle structure.
Tex: Well that's just a matter of penis- I mean opinion.
Church: Smooth.
Rayner: Don't worry Tex. I won't judge your sexual preferences.
Caboose: You told me it was another arm...
Crunchbite: Bluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurgh!
Andy: Hey Caboose- high five!
Caboose: (Quietly) I don't want to do that any more...
Church: Tucker come here, I want to talk to you for a second. Listen, just drop off this weapon, and get back to Blue Base as fast as you can.
Tucker: What if I have to kill stuff, dude? I'm a lover, not a fighter.
Church: Hey now, Tucker, I'm the same way. That's why we get along so well. We're both just a couple of lovers.
Tucker: ...That sounded kinda gay dude.
Church: Yeah it did. Uhm... I feel obligated to say something encouraging as your boss.
Tucker: Our Captain died. You're just the guy pretending to be my boss. Rayner seems more like our boss. Y'know, since he's taking care of us.
Church: Well, you know in our given situation technically you could be seen as one of my employees.
Tucker: Except that I'm not.
Church: Echch, whatever! Listen, I just, as, as someone in an employee/manager relationship-
Tucker: Which doesn't exist.
Church: Heuhhhhhhh...
Tucker: Why did you pull me aside again?
Church: You know I'm sure it was to say something inspiring, or... something, but now I just don't care.
YOU ARE READING
Red vs Blue : Mirage
HumorFormer mercenary Kyle Rayner has lived a rough life. After retiring from mercenary work he sought to live a normal life, but soon learns how hard it is to adjust to civilian life after all the grueling missions he's been on. So, he does the next bes...
