Red vs Blue : Mirage

In Memoriam

Fade in to the Reds for Sarge's service.

Simmons: And now, Grif has asked to say a few things about our beloved Sarge.

Grif: Hey everybody, it's great to be here. Well, what can I say about a guy like Sarge. I mean besides, "good riddence." Hoooo.

Grif's Sister: Yeah-

Grif: But seriously, Sarge lived a great life. And now that he's dead, our lives are pretty good too. Zing! Hahahahaa, you know what I'm talking about.

Sarge: Come on, is this a rememberance or a roast?

Grif: Quiet in the front row. And I'm not askin', and he's not tellin', but I heard when Donut first came to the base, Sarge spent a lot of time talkin' about glazed donut holes, if you know what I mean. Hiyoooo.

Simmons: Too soon!

Grif: Hey now.

Sarge: This is the worst funeral I've ever had! You losers better step up the crying, pronto!

Simmons: Oh, don't worry sir, I've written a stirring speech that's sure to tug at everyone's heartstrings.

Sarge: Good to hear it, now get with the eulogizing!

Simmons runs up to the front.

Simmons: On it, sir.

Grif: And who could forget the time Sarge showed us all how to field strip Simmons'-

Simmons: Okay that's enough, I said five minutes, Grif.

Grif: Bye everybody, I'll be appearing at the Laugh Cavern every Tuesday. Ladies drink free.

Grif's Sister: Whoohoooo!

Grif: Not you!

Grif's Sister: Aw.

Simmons: Okay, whatever, get off. Hello everyone. I'm here to say a few words about our friend Sarge.

Grif: Boo, you suck.

Simmons: Grif, get off the stage!

Grif: Uh, sorry.

Grif retreats to the peanut gallery.

Simmons: Okay, like I was saying, I'm here to say a few words about Sarge.

Grif: Boooo, you suck!

Simmons: As you all know, Sarge was a magnificent leader, and he was a great inspiration to all his troops.

Sarge: Hh, Simmons was right, this is so emotional. Where's my hankie?

Simmons: He was a man of honour, discipline, and character.

Sarge: It's like he's saying what we're all thinking.

Grif: If he was saying what I'm thinkin' he'd be yawning while he said it.

Simmons: But perhaps his greatest accomplishment, as a military man...

Sarge: Tell it!

Simmons: And a friend...

Sarge: Preach on, preach on.

Simmons: Was developing my considerable skills as a soldier and a leader.

Sarge: What?

Simmons: As you all know, Sarge's untimely demise leaves a gap in our command structure. A gap that is best filled by Sarge's right-hand man. A man that has a vision for the Red Team.