Red vs Blue : Mirage

New Toys

Fade in to a miscellaneous shot of wherever the Reds, Caboose and Tucker are.

Sarge: Donut, hold the light right there. No, not on me, on that. Why would I need the light, on my face?

Cut to Sarge and Donut lying under the jeep, mechanic-style.

Donut: Hey Sarge, what's that metal thing that looks like a bunny!? Ooh, ooh, and what's that other metal thing that looks like a soup can?

Sarge: Don't touch anything, Donut. Okay fellas, I think I've got it. Give her a crank. ...Guys? ...Hey, what in tarnation are you knuckleheads doing up there?

Cut to Simmons and Tucker.

Simmons: No, I don't think getting new rims for the jeep's a good idea.

Grif: (in the driver seat of the jeep) Oh come on! If we all kick in, we can get some spinners, some kickass subs, hydraulics!

Tucker: I'm in.

Rayner: Ditto.

Simmons: Why?

Grif: Uh, for style?

Tucker: For chicks!

Rayner: I always wanted a customized car.

Simmons: What chicks, there's no one for miles. We don't even know if anyone's still alive.

Grif: What, suddenly you're a pessimist?

Tucker: Yeah, but if we do find some women, we will literally be the last men on Earth for them.

Grif: He's right.

Tucker: All my life I've had girls tell me, "not if you were the last man on Earth," haha. Well that may be true, but let's see what happens when I'm the last man on Earth with a sweetass pimped out ride, bitch.

Rayner: Are you forgetting already that there's also us still here? She'd have more options than just you.

Tucker: Well their choices are a pair of idiots, a military crazy old man, a lazy ass and a kiss ass, or yours truly. Besides, you already have a girlfriend.

Rayner: Oh yeaaah. Man having a girlfriend... It, it's a great feeling y'know? Everytime we spend time together it makes me feel this warm fuzzy feeling in my heart—

Tucker: Oh my god, shut up.

Rayner: —and the way she always seem indifferent makes her look so cute—

Tucker: Seriously, shut the fuck up! God damnit I should have never mentioned it!

Rayner: —and of course, sometimes she can be such a badass—

Sarge: (standing up) If you ladies are through gossipping, I could use some help fixing our vehicle.

Grif: Oh yeah, right, here let me try.

Sounds of the jeep starting up, then it moves a foot or two and grinds to a stop.

Sarge: Wait!

Donut: (still under the jeep) Ya-ya-yaaaoouwwwww!

Sarge: Donut, are you okay?

Donut: I was just, petting, the bunny. And then it went in to the soup can... and part of my hand went with it.

Sarge: (lying back down) Gehrururur...

Tucker: Bunny and hand soup, just like Mom used to make.