Red vs Blue : Mirage

The Grif Reaper

Fade in to a view through a sniper rifle that's moving jerkily and randomly.

Church: See him there? Right there, the yellow one.

Caboose: The one next to Simmons? That's Grif.

Church: The other yellow one. Dumbass.

Caboose: Oh, that new yellow person, y-oh yes of course, yes. Uh, he looks very scary. Yes and uh, I know that because I am looking right at him, right now, yes. He is yellow. This is very interesting.

Church: *sigh* You don't even see him, do you.

Caboose: Yeah, I don't-- I don't even know how to use this thing.

Church: Oh man, this is no good. Yellow armour. What does yellow armour mean, is that like some kinda... special ops guy or... man, this can't be good for us.

Caboose: What if it's a new gun.

Church: What? Why am I even talking to you, it's a person! In yellow armour! We already established that!

Caboose: Oh, now wait, maybe they got their own medic.

Church: A medic? Caboose. We're not that lucky.

Cut to Doc and Rayner with a noticably larger baby alien.

Doc: See, my suit is purple. Can you say purple? Pur?

Baby Alien: Honk?

Doc: Pull.

Baby Alien: Hnnnk.

Doc: Great! Once we learn all the colours, we'll learn why you shouldn't judge people by them.

Rayner: Man I wish more kids these days are taught this way. It'll do us all a favor with getting rid of one problem with society.

Cut back to Church and Caboose.

Church: Yeah, that guy is definitely some kind of special forces. Probably trained in, knives or... ball-kicking or somethin'.

Caboose: Maybe he's an alien.

Church: An alien that looks just like the rest of us?

Caboose: And that is the scariest kind of alien.

Church: And we haven't gotten to the other one yet. Looks like a girl... without armor? Hell looks like she ain't even holding a weapon.

Caboose: Maybe she is a reception taker. Every office needs one.

Church: There are no offices in this canyon, dumbass. Why are you, even here, it would be easier for me to just call random people on the phone, and talk to them about this. They would understand the situation better.

In the background, Tucker emerges from inside the base and approaches Church and Caboose.

Tucker: Uh, whudldldluh. Bludludldldlah.

Church: Oh well, look who's awake.

Tucker: What the fuck happened?

Caboose: Oh, well, um, uh as you may remember, uh you were impregnated by an alien visitor who was on a noble mission to save his entire species from de-

Tucker: Can I get the short version of this?

Church: Yeah, you got knocked up, you got knocked out.

Tucker: Oh right, I need to start workin' out. Lose this baby weight.

Caboose: Yeah, you know, we, we should all start working out, you know, uh, especially some of us.