Red vs Blue : Mirage

Sibling Arrivalries

Fade in to the ship from above.

Vic's Voice Mail: To hear these options in Spanish, press dos.

Church: I HATE YOU.

Vic's Voice Mail: *beep*

Church: Vic, it's Church, I need to-

Vic's Voice Mail: I'm sorry, but this person's voice mailbox is full.

Church: Uhhmmm I'm gonna kill myself. I'm gonna kill myself.

Rayner: I mean, you're already dead. What'll that make you, like, double dead?

Doc: Uh, what was all that about?

Church: Doc, we are royally screwed. Half our team is down, Rayner's too busy with the baby, and I think th-

Doc: No it's not, look! Caboose is already back in action.

Cut to Caboose emerging from Blue Base in the distance.

Caboose: I'm okay! I'm okay!

Caboose collapses again, but this time in the warmth of the sun.

Caboose: I'm not okay!

Doc: He's fine.

Church: Like I was saying, half the team is down, and the half that's left, sucks. So all the Reds need to do is attack us, and we're dead.

Baby Alien: Hnnk!

Church: Oh right, and I have to kill this fucking thing.

Rayner: It's simple really dude. All you have to do is swear you won't do anything to this child and I'll go take care of whatever the reds are cookin' up.

Church: And I said, we ain't lettin' that abomination live any longer.

Rayner: Too bad then, guess we'll all die today.

Caboose: Also I see a big ship. Now I know I'm hallucinating!

Church: Oh, I forgot that part! The Reds also have an enormous ship that was sent by their Command. Probably has a huge fucking weapon on it. Like a nuke, or a biological weapon that's gonna melt our skin, or a genetic weapon that's gonna make everyone in blue armour sterile... awesome.

Doc: Hmm. Maybe this isn't the best time to remind you that technically I'm neutral in this conflict.

Church: Doc, I don't think the situation could get much worse. I mean the ship is bad enough, but God knows what kind of reinforcements they have in that thing. Could be a whole new squad! Or a freelancer! Or-

Cut to the Reds mid-sentence, standing in front of a new person in yellow armour.... and a blue haired girl without any armor?

Simmons: Grif's sister?

Grif's Sister: Yeah. Isn't that cool?

Sarge: You know I always knew there was a genetic possibility that Grif would have blood relatives. But I always held on to the hope that he was the horrible by-product of an experiment in a turd manufacturing plant! Speaking of horrible by-product...

Sarge turns to the seemingly unarmed civilian that arrived alongside Sister.

Sarge: (cocks his shotgun at her) Who in sam hill are you?

Simmons: Wo-woah! Easy there sir. I don't think you should be going hostile on an unarmed person.

Sarge: Of course I should. Look at her! Those sky coloured locks, those beedy blue eyes, there's no doubt she's a damn dirty blue!