Fade in to Grif and Simmons in the underground lair.
Grif: I heard something that time.
Simmons: You didn't hear anything.
Grif: There, did you hear that?
Simmons: Yes, I heard water dripping.
Grif: Sounds like bats!
Simmons: Bats, aren't made of liquid. Bats don't drip.
Grif: Bat-water!
Simmons: There are no bats!
Grif: You don't know, what if you're wrong?
Simmons: Okay, idiot, let's assume I'm wrong. Let's assume there are bats. So what? You're wearing state-of-the art, biomechanical body-armour. It's designed to deflect bullets and absorb explosions. What can a five-ounce flying rodent possibly do?
Grif: ...So basically you're saying that you think there's bats.
Simmons: Sure, why not.
Grif: I'm getting the fuck outta here.
Simmons: No you're not, Grif, we're standing right here. I told Sarge we wouldn't move, and we're not moving.
Grif: At least let's go stand by the light.
Simmons: No, that would be moving, and thus would violate our strict "no moving" policy.
Grif: But the light-
Simmons: No.
Grif: -would help us see the bats!
Simmons: NO.
Grif: And their fangs!
Simmons: NO!
Grif: Hey, you know what else might be in the cave, Simmons? Snakes.
Simmons: You're an asshole Grif, why would you bring up snakes?
Grif: I'm just saying. I know you don't like snakes, and snakes do live in caves, and we are in a cave, and snakes like to crawl right up next to people in caves, and then they-
Simmons: Alright, screw it, I'm gonna go stand by the light.
Cut to Blue Base, then to Doc approaching.
Doc: Okay, I talked to Sheila, you guys were right: she definitely seems a little odd.
Church: Yup, so whaddaya think?
Doc: I think she seems like there's something wrong.
Church: That's your diagnosis? That's why we sent you down there, man. Because we knew something was wrong.
Doc: I'm a medic, what do you want from me?
Church: How about fixing her?
Doc: Well, surprisingly, my medical training didn't cover internal combustion.
Church: What a shitty medical school.
Tucker: Yeah where'd you go, the University of Jamaica?
Doc: Oh please, I wouldn't be caught dead on that campus. I went to Jamaica State! Who's Jamaica State's Fighting Irish.
Church: That's Notre Dame.
Doc: Well since we're international, we don't really have to adhere to the stringent U.S. copyright laws. So-
Church: Never mind. Just go back down there, and see if you can reboot Sheila.
YOU ARE READING
Red vs Blue : Mirage
HumorFormer mercenary Kyle Rayner has lived a rough life. After retiring from mercenary work he sought to live a normal life, but soon learns how hard it is to adjust to civilian life after all the grueling missions he's been on. So, he does the next bes...