Fade in to Simmons talking to Sarge from the safe confines of the Warthog.
Simmons: Okay, so let me get this straight... they were talking... to the bomb.
Grif: Dude, I don't know. They mentioned something about candles and a bubble bath, and they were playing some kind of a New Age CD. It's like a Yanni fan club meeting.
Sarge: That makes no sense at all. Did you wanna translate for us Pinky Pants?
Donut: My guess is that they're trying to get the bomb to do something for 'em.
Simmons: And all that sweet talk and candles will work on a bomb.
Donut: It would work on me!
Sarge: Doncha see what they're tryin' to do?
Grif: No. Isn't that the point of this conversation?
Sarge: The Blues are obviously trying to coax the bomb into rearming. They're about to launch an attack. On us!
Grif: Why would they do that?
Sarge: Because they're Blues. Somebody get this kid the manual.
Simmons: Oh-ho, I hate the Blues.
Sarge: That's the spirit Simmons.
Cut to several Lopezes in formation
O'Malley: Hoohoohoohohahaha. And now the hour is at hand. It is time, my robot minions.
Doc: He means robot miniones. Where's your cultural sensitivity?
O'Malley: Oh shut up. At last, we will seize our destiny!
Doc: Do we really have to seize destiny? Can't we just invite it to join our online circle of friends?
O'Malley: Quiet you fool. And quit sending me those invites. They're repulsive. Prepare for battle! We will break upon their fortress like an evil wind!
Doc: Oh.
O'Malley: Crushing our opponents with lightning speed! Attack!
Robot Army: Charge.
The Robot Army starts walking slowly forward
O'Malley: You there, hurry along. And you in the back. You- Lopez, can't you speed them up?
Lopez: Ésta es su velocidad máxima. [This is their maximum velocity.]
O'Malley: This isn't what I asked for.
Lopez: Dijiste que querías un día de victoria. A esta velocidad, tendrán veinticuatro horas para ganar.[You said you wanted a day of victory. At this speed, they will win in exactly 24 hours.]
O'Malley: Heuh...
A Robot: Charge.
Cut to the Blues.
Church: So we cool here?
Tucker: I think we're finally calmed down.
Rayner: Well, as calm as we can ever get around here.
Caboose: Yes. We are all better now, we are not mad, and we are definitely not thinking about exploding at all any more.
Andy: Hey, are you talkin' about me?
Church: What? No, course not. We just wanna make sure that we're all happy, and that we're not upset in any way whatsoever.
Andy: Don't say "we", you really mean me. I mean, you, which in this case, is me.
YOU ARE READING
Red vs Blue : Mirage
HumorFormer mercenary Kyle Rayner has lived a rough life. After retiring from mercenary work he sought to live a normal life, but soon learns how hard it is to adjust to civilian life after all the grueling missions he's been on. So, he does the next bes...
