Red vs Blue : Mirage

Previous Commitments

Fade in to the Blues... more or less.

Church: You have got to be kidding me. There is no way I'm gonna let this happen.

Tex: I told you, he can do it.

Andy: Yeah, I'm qualified.

Church: Listen I don't doubt, that he can do it. I doubt that I want him to do it.

Andy: Why?

Church: Well you know what Andy? You're not exactly the most diplomatic of individuals.

Andy: That's bullshit! You're only saying that 'cause you're a racist.

Church: Racist- bombs are not a race!

Andy: Eh, shut up ya dirty Shisno.

Church: We finally make contact with an alien being, and our first attempt at communication is gonna be through a bomb? Am I the only person who has a problem with this?

Andy: Well unless you've got your English to Blarg-blarg dictionary, I don't think you got a choice, now do ya.

Rayner: My girlfriend knows Sangheili. (gasp) Oh my gosh we could call her! Yes, while we're at it we could go on a date together. It's been quite a while since our last date. We have a beach here, oh man I always wanted to go on long walks on the beach together. Do you think there's any good restaurants near here? I wanna find a hotel with a king sized bed cause a want to snuggle.

Church: Pass. We are not calling your girlfriend. We won't get anything done with you going all lovey-dovey with her.

Rayner: You're just jealous that I actually have a girlfriend.

Church: What the--No I'm not! I got my girlfriend right here.

Rayner: Riiiiiight... Your ex-girlfriend that likes to cheat on you and who will no doubt kill you if she feels like it.

Church: ... Screw you, Rayner.

Tex: Alright let's just use the bomb. I'm sure this'll be fine.

Church: You know I feel that I'm gonna regret this, but I feel even more that I don't want Rayner to call his girlfriend here, and that watching this whole thing unravel might be kinda interesting. Go for it.

Tex: Alright, where's the alien?

Church: Oh shit, I forgot.

Cut to the alien still beating the shit out of the back of Tucker's head.

Tucker: (with each strike, as if bored) Ow, ow, ow...

Cut to Donut riding around in the purple thing.

Donut: Grif. Oh Griiiiiiiif... ...Grif!

Grif: Huh, great.

Donut: There you are, where've you been?

Grif: Right here.

Donut: I've been lookin' all over for you. I looked in the base, I looked around the base, I looked on top of the base, I looked in the base again-

Grif: I think you need to learn what "all over" means.

Donut: Anyway, Sarge wants you to come back to the base, and-

Grif: No, I'm not going to do it.

Donut: No? But I didn't tell you what he wants.

Grif: Donut, it's Sarge. I know he doesn't want me to come in to the base to help him eat ice cream, he wants me to do stuff. Work stuff.