MATTEO (book 2)

58. XENA

Matteo looks stressed as hell.

He walks into his parents house with a full beard and tired eyes.

He looks hot with a beard.

He called the day after and said he wouldn't be able to make it. Neves was upset but she knew he had a good reaosn and jsut looking at him in person, you can tell something is wrong.

Arabella taps his face, telling him how much she likes the beard.

He smiles. "Haven't had time to shave it." He walks in. Xavier runs right to him and he lifts him up, holding him on his hip. "Where's momma?" He asks.

"Yard." Xavier smiles, touching his beard too.

We haven't seen him in a week.

He smiles at me as he walks by and goes straight to the yard.

I look at Arabella. "He looks very stressed. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. It will be." Arabella smiles. "Uhm, I don't mean to pry but... Okay, I fully mean to pry. What is going on between you two?"

"Oh uh..." I clear my throat. "Before he left, we had a... thing. Now, I have no clue." I shake my head, walking out to the yard too.

He was standing with Neves, hand on her lower back as she was holding Mattio and Xavier clung to his hip.

Jealousy overfills me.

He didn't even say hello to me.

He went straight to her.

I sit on the bench, watching them as they stand and talk. Swap kids. Laugh. Neves laughs a little too loud for my liking, brushing her hand up and down his arm.

Finally, when Arabella calls that lunch is ready, she walks off with the kids.

"I'll be in soon." I say to her.

Matteo makes a phone call before walking up to me, sitting beside me. He leans back, extends his legs and lights a cigarette. "You're a horrible jealous."

"I'm not jealous." I say, maybe a little too quickly.

He inhales. "Bullshit."

I don't say anything else.

He smokes the whole cigarette, then looks at me. "I've been waiting for you to call."

"You've been busy. And why do I have to call?"

"Because I'm not the one that was abused." He deadpans. "Didn't know if you were ready or not."

"For what?"

"To discuss us."

"Us." I repeat. "There's an us?"

"If you want there to be." He leans forward, elbows on his knees but he looks at me.

I guess I haven't really decided if I want it again or not. Yes, he's a great changed person. But he also broke my heart and wasn't there to help me afterwards.

"Don't know." I look at the ground.

"What's stopping you, pretty."

"You're sober now. I'm glad you are. But you hurt me a lot Matteo. You broke me. I couldn't leave my room for weeks because of you, and everyone just called me dramatic." I look at him. "So, while I think you're a great person. You saved my sisters life; my life. I don't know if I can put myself in a position again where I can get hurt by you."

He nods his head, sitting up properly. "You believe i'll hurt you again."

"I'm afraid of committing. Even more so kow after Benjamin-"

"Don't compare me to him, pretty. We both know I'd never hurt you like that." He glares at me. "All I can offer is my word for now. I'm far too busy at the minute to commit to you fully-"

"But you still want a quick fuck every now and then." I mumble.

He looks at me, sighing. "Oleg blew my house up."

I look at him.

"While me, Em and Leo were inside. He blew it up. He started a gang war and most of my men are in Italy at the minute." He clears his throat. "I do apologise that you're not my main priority right now, but as soon as this is over, Xena, I promise you, my mind will solely be focused on you."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't need you to worry about something that's completely out of your control." He rubs his hand down his face. "I got it sorted. My men are coming back. My dads are taking over."

"Why are your dads taking over?"

"Because when I'm stressed, I used to drink or get so high I didn't have to deal with anything. I haven't found anything to substitute that with and so... I'm stressed and panicked and every other day locked in a basement so that I don't relapse."

It must be so hard for him.

I have self respect, but apparently not so for him.

"Can we go to yours?"

"Now?" He asks.

"Yes. I want to show you a method I know is good for relieving stress but it needs to be at yours." I stand up.

He looks at his watch, calculating something in his head. "Only four hours."

"Plenty of time."

And so, we leave in his car. We sat in a comfortable silence until he drove to his, and a whole chunk of his house was just gone. There was builders here though.

We get out. I walk in while he speaks to the men and then he walks in. I take him upstairs and into his play room.

"Xena." He takes a step back.

I grab his hand. "Relieve your stress."

"Not on you."

"I'd rather it me than another woman, or than you relapsing." I pull him in. "Use me, Matteo." I keep him close to me as I bend over the spanking bench. Benji had one of these.

I press my ass into his crotch, hearing his soft. "Fuck."

"Xena. I want to do this with you right. I want it perfect this time. This... This won't do that." He runs his hand across the curve of my ass.

"Yes it will. It will be fine. I promise." I grab the end of it. "Use me, Matteo. Do everything on me you wanted to do before."

He pulls my pants down. "Fuck me." He mumbles. "Safeword?"

My heart races from excitement.

"Red."

"Tell me if it gets too much."

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i also would have no self respect for matteo
wc:1040