MATTEO (book 2)

69. MATTEO

Today is a shitshow.

Romeo raises an eyebrow as soon as he walks into my dressing room. "Matteo?"

"They gave me the wrong damn suit." I slouch, looking at the white suit in the mirror, with a pink tie.

This is stupid. The ceremony starts in 2 hours.

He takes his phone out of his pocket, beginning to speak to someone. "Okay, thank you." He hangs up. "I'll be back in 20 minutes with a new suit. Fix your hair at least." He walks away.

I take this all off, sitting in my boxers as I look at the scotch the church had provided for us.

I look away.

The door opens and dad walks in. "You're not changed?"

"They gave me the wrong suit. Romeo is going to pick one up for me now." I crack my knuckles. "Have you seen Xena?"

"No. But the hall is packed. With all our family and men combined, everything is packed."

"Her mom flew her family out from Ghana." I smile. "I'm nervous."

"Why are you nervous?" He asks.

"I don't even know. She won't say no." I wipe my hand down my face. "Does mama look pretty?"

"Your mom always looks gorgeous." He walks over. He crouched down in front of me, taking a coin out of his pocket.

His sober chip.

I haven't gotten mine yet.

In three days, I can get my 90 day one.

I started recovery as soon as I came out of the hospital. Relapsed countless times in 6 months before I finally started again, and it's been 87 days since then.

"You can get this soon." He smiles. "And I'm so proud of you for it."

"I'm always scared if things get tough and I relapse again, putting her through all the bullshit again." I take a breath.

I remember.

I remember waking up in the hospital with her crying over me. She wouldn't speak to me for a couple of hours and when she did, she was so broken.

I had promised to stay sober for her, and broke that promise numerous times.

I held her hand and promised her this was the last time. I knew she didn't believe me. But she begged me. Said I need to get better because everything is changing.

I don't ever want to disappoint her again.

"You've gotten sober before, kid. And if there's one thing I know, it's that she's going to keep you in check." He smiles softly. "Every time you get that urge. I want you to picture her laying over your body crying."

My eyes flick to the scotch, then the picture of me waking up to her distraught pops into my brain.

"I think i'm scared that if I relapse again, she's gonna leave." I spit out. "She's gonna get sick of me and just... leave. I've already put her through too much, the fuck would she wanna marry me?"

He sighs. "Why'd your mom marry me?"

"What?"

"I was an addict when I met her. I relapsed when I was dating her. Hell, I relapsed when you were born. Why did she stay with me?" He stands up.

When I'm quiet, he clears his throat. "She married Roman but we all took the vows. Through sickness and health, till death do us part."

I just close my eyes. "I'm being dramatic."