"Agency Scum"

Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

//warning for blood

Previously...

I took a deep breath, one that tasted subtly of smoke, and brushed my overgrown bangs from my face. The warmth of the fire reminding me of Dimitri's warm skin, the comfort of his embrace, and the security in his words. I had to reject that longing for now.

No, I wasn't playing victim anymore.

    I was protecting him from now on.

————————————————————
We continue

    A dull pink light peaked through the curtains into our quiet room, the fire having long gone out by now. It was cold except for under the covers, where Dimitri soundly slept. For once I had gotten up before him, leaving me some time to silently think about what I was going to do from here.

    After I went back to bed last night Dimitri climbed in with me- warming the bed when the fire couldn't. Even in sleep he was beautiful, his dark lashes casting a shadow across his tan skin, hair laid out behind him, taking up most of the bed space. Dangerously I reached out to brush some loose strands from his forehead, the scar from his fight with Pistol now all but healed.

    Just looking at him made my heart ache- somehow this was worse than when I was pushing those feelings down, pretending they weren't there. This was tortuous. This was hell.
    Suddenly he shifted from where he slept, scooting up closer as his eyes fluttered opened.

"Mornin' sweet cheeks" he grumbled into his pillow.

"Morning" I said flatly. Even those nicknames were getting to me- this was going to be harder than I thought.

With a yawn he stretched, and sat up to messily tie his tangled hair from his face. He was actually wearing a shirt again (hallelujah!) ; one of Brutus'. It hung loose around him, and the sleeves went past his palms. Cute, in a way.
"You were talkin in yer sleep again" he hopped up from the bed, opening the curtains to the lone window in the room, flooding it with light. "You've been doin' it a lot actually"

    I knew what he was talking about; I'd had another nightmare. Unsurprising but unpleasant. It was reoccurring at this point, as I'd run the same halls from the vr training until either Dimitri or something else caught up to me. Then I'd wake up, fall back asleep, and start the cycle again.
    I stretched my heavy limbs, before hopping out of bed to shrug into my now stained button up. I'd tried washing it, but the blood from those agents had stained the fibers. It was never going to be clean again.

   
    "You uh, wanna talk about it?" I felt his hands rest against my back, lightly, as if hesitant.

I huffed "not now Dimitri-"

"Then when? Somethin's wrong, you can't keep telling me there's not" his voice grew stern and he spun me to face him. "We're friends. We're here for each other"

He kept saying that- kept saying we were 'friends'. Almost as if to convince me of it. We were friends, nothing more, and I could hope nothing less. But if we were going to be 'friends' then it'd have to be at arms length; friends with boundaries, because god knew if we weren't it'd be something more instead.

"I already told you- I'm fine" I placed my hands on his wrist, gently pushing him away "I promise"

"So then why are you so jumpy? You won't sleep, you barely eat- fuck mate I watched you nearly beat two agents to death" with a nervous laugh he stepped closer again, holding onto my arms now "that's not you-"
Gently he tucked a wavy lock of hair behind my ear. I could feel my heart melt within my chest
"So don't lie to me luv"