the test

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-taylors pov-

This fucking bug is persistent, to the point its worrying me a bit. Today again I hang over the toilet turning my insides out and any food is repulsing to me. I did manage to track down some mint chocolate chip ice cream in the freezer, which I usually hate but it was the only thing that seemed even remotely appetizing.

"Blake I don't know what to do, should I go to the doctor?" I as her over FaceTime while I keep eating the ice cream. I need to ask someone to pick up more because this is delicious. How haven't I fallen for this before? Clearly, I've been delusional from the deliciousness that is mint chocolate chip all my life. Someone should have held an intervention on me, that's for sure.

"Sweetie I don't think you're sick. I think you're pregnant" she says hesitantly, and my eyes widen, no that's not it. not that I can remember the last time I had my period, but that's only a minor detail. For all I know it could be the stress of touring and the upcoming re-recording messing with my cycle, not a baby.

"no that cant possibly be the problem. There is something wrong with me Blake. I can feel it. like maybe I got my moms breast cancer? It runs in the family you know. I think I need to see a cancer doctor" that is most likely the problem, that's the only solution.

"I don't mean to pry, but seriously taylor, you need to take a test. You said your boobs hurt and your eating the ice-cream you swore was an abomination to all ice-creams out there. That screams pregnancy cravings right there. You need a doctor, but an OB, not a cancer doctor" she says but she doesn't know shit. Im not pregnant. I have way too much on my plate to have a baby now. Not to mention that this thing between me and travis is so fresh that a baby would complicate things so much.

"My uterus is empty, squeaky clean and all that shit. No baby to be seen anywhere. Totally not the issue" I Should go to nashville to see my mom's doctor; she is one of the best in the country in terms of breast cancer. I need to get on top of this asap.

"Then just take a test and prove me wrong then taylor. Please" she is cradling her newest child in her arms, and I'm terrified that i will have one of those anytime soon. Im not on the market for a baby. I love kids, want them one day, but not anytime soon. I have my tour and this thing with travis need to solidify for a while before I can even think about it.

Eventually I relent and send my security out for a few pregnancy tests, because apparently, it's a good idea to take more than one. Travis is at practice, so I can get this nonsense over with before he gets home and starts to panic. It's enough that I'm panicking, he doesn't need to join in on my misery. Blake is wrong, there is nothing growing inside me. I winch at the thought of pushing a baby out of my vagina, my pretty vagina that hasn't taken that kind of beating before. Sure Blake says she bounces back every time, but what if I get a messed-up vagina afterwards, or that something happens to my other lady parts and messes with them, who knows what could happen. No, not happening. Im not pregnant and Blake will be eating her words to my laughter later.

It seems like it takes forever for my security guard to come back with the bag, but eventually I get it and pee on four different sticks before calling Blake back. If I'm going to sit here and wait on those for ten minutes, I need some backup. I had a pregnancy scare with joe last year and it fucked with my head, not to mention that joe didn't want kids under no circumstances. the second I told him I might be pregnant he told me to get an abortion, he didn't even ask what I wanted. Thank fuck I wasn't pregnant because I don't think I could have done that. I respect people's right to choose, fuck I really do, but I have all the resources I could need in a lifetime, and I want kids one day, so it felt wrong to exercise my right to choose. The country is so fucked up at the moment that roe-v-wade was overturned and it's hard for women to get one done at all.

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