hits different - Taylor Swift and Travis kelce

pre-op

-Taylors pov-

I fold a T-shirt and put it into my hospital bag. Tomorrow is the day they are going to chop off my boobs. It's hard to know exactly what to feel, I am confused and scared but also slightly relieved that there is something to be done with my cancer. They could have told me that I was stage four and there was nothing more to be done, but they didn't. I have a fighting chance so if they want to chop off my boobs okay. At least I'm getting new ones right away, so I don't need another surgery later on.

I know not everyone decides to have reconstruction done, some go with the battle scars as they are, but I'm not comfortable with that. I like my boobs; I like having them. I would get by without them, that's not what I'm saying, but I just want boobs. I will have scars but that's fine, it's part of it.

"beautiful?" Travis comes into the bedroom asking for me "In here!" I call from the closet.

"there you are. You ran off earlier. Are you okay?" he comes over and wraps me in his arms from behind.

"I'm fine, just thinking about tomorrow. Wanted to get the packing done with" I also needed some time for myself to let this sink in. So much has happened in the last two weeks and now I'm about to start the hardest fight of my life. I need a minute to try wrapping my mind around that.

my body won't be mine anymore, it will be cut, poked, and prodded for months on end moving forward. I need to follow rules from the doctors to keep healthy and prevent infections. My body will be pumped full of drugs that can either kill me or the cancer. It's almost like a race, see who it kills first.

"I won't tell you it will be fine, because I don't know that, and I will never lie to you. but I will be there by your side cheering you on. You're strong, and I know that you're a fighter" he says and kisses the side of my neck and I lean further into his arms.

"you're too good to me" I mumble and turn in his arms so I can face him. "nonsense, I'm trying to be the man you deserve beautiful."

His lips meet mine and I get lost in the soft feelings of his against mine. it's an intense kiss, tongues dancing together. he knows exactly how to work my body to make me feel like I'm flying.

"you already are more than I could ever wish for Travis. I couldn't go through this without you" I say between kisses and his arms around me tighten. "Nonsense, you could do this without me too. you're the one doing all the hard work."

"sweet talker" I sigh and continue kissing him.

"Mommy!" Maddie screams from downstairs. At least I assume it's Maddie as she is the only one that usually does that. Avery is the quiet one out of the two of them. Nothing wrong with either one, they are just different.

"duty calls" I sigh and give Travis one last peck before heading downstairs to the kids. My mom came yesterday to help with the kids while I'm in the hospital. Travis will be there with me most of the time, so we needed someone to help take care of the kids. We could have used Hannah, but Elena and Jacob don't really know her that well yet as she usually just watches the twins. And I want them to get to know our family better anyway so it's a win-win scenario.

"what's wrong princess" I say as I hit the ground floor, and she comes running "Arm mommy," she says and reaches her arms towards me wanting to be held. I pick her up and settle her on my hip and she lays her head on my shoulder. "you wanted cuddles from mommy?"

"uh huh," she sighs and cuddles her head against me. "Maddie, remember how we talked about how you can get what you want without screaming? You could have just asked grandma for mommy, and I would have come and given you loads of cuddles, okay? We don't need to scream" I scold her slightly. We have a yelling problem with her, usually screaming mommy at the top of her lungs. It's a habit we want to break.

"Mommy" she whimpers, and I shake my head "No Maddie, no whining. You don't need to do that either. You're a big girl, you can use your words and inside voice." I know it will go in one ear and out the other, but I still have to try to adjust her behavior. We can't have her screaming all the time, that's not constructive.

** The next morning **

Elena and Jacob are excused from school today, so they are at home with my mom and the twins when we leave the house this morning. We didn't want to push them to go to school when I'm having surgery, that seemed cruel.

Travis holds my hand on his thigh, and I try to be positive, but I can't help but let the fear of what comes next slide into my mind. Surgery is a big deal, plenty of things can go wrong. And they could get in there and find that the cancer had spread after all, or that they can't get clean margins. I could stroke out on the table, the anesthesia could mess with my body, and I could just not wake up again. Plenty of things that could go horribly wrong, and I have no control over any of it.

We get to the hospital and show up at the surgery department where we were told to check in. "Taylor Alison swift Kelce," I tell the nurse behind the desk, and she types my name into the computer. "of course, Mrs. Kelce. A nurse will be out in a second to take you back to pre-op"

We stand off to the side waiting for the nurse and I lean into Travis's arms. He is my constant, my calm in the middle of this storm. "take deep breaths, you're okay. One step at the time" Travis says, sensing my growing panic.

It's hard to take deep breaths when I feel like I'm suffocating. I've never had surgery before, and I don't particularly look forward to what's ahead of me. it's going to be a painful recovery, it's major surgery after all. I do feel bad for Travis having to sit in the waiting room and just wait for news, it sounds like torture. I don't know how I would have handled that if the roles were reversed. Maybe it's better to be the one on the operating table, at least you're not aware of what's going on as you're knocked out.

"Mrs. Kelce?" a nurse comes out of the double doors and calls for me, hand in hand Travis and I head towards her and introduce ourselves. I must admit that I like the sound of my new name, it has a nice ring to it. "follow me."

I'm taken into a pre-op room where a gown is waiting for me on the hospital bed for me to change into. "please change into the gown and mesh panties and I will be back in a moment to take your vitals and draw some more blood."

More blood. They seem to draw some at any appointment I have at the moment. The last time they did it was on Friday, I just had to show up at the lab and take a blood sample before I could leave. Something about pre-op bloodwork.

I strip out of my clothes and change into the mesh panties and hospital gown. It's not a comfortable thing to wear, but whatever. What I'm wearing is the least of my worries right now.

Travis pulls back the covers on the bed and I lie down under them, it's cold in just the gown, even though we are in May. I don't know if it's the weather or just my anxiety that makes me freezing cold.

One test after another is taken and the surgeon comes by to draw on my boob to indicate which one has a cancer tumor even though they are taking both breasts. So many people have seen my boobs in recent weeks that I hardly care about them anymore. They can look all they want, nothing special here other than a dose of cancer somewhere in there.

Travis sits by my bedside keeping conversation with me between tests to keep my mind on other things. I don't know what I would do if he wasn't here to keep me calm. My head is running at super speed as the clock ticks closer to the OR time.

"Mrs. Kelce, we are here to take you down to the OR now" two nurses dressed in scrubs come into the room and say. This is it. I've waited for this for the last two weeks and the moment is finally here, not that I was looking forward to it. it's a necessary step along the way, that's the only way to look at it without wanting to throw up.

"I love you" I turn to Travis and say. He leans down and presses his lips against mine "I love you too, always. I'll be there when you wake up beautiful" That is the last thing he gets to say before they wheel me out of the room in my big hospital bed. this is it. they're going to chop off my boobs now.