shopping

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-Taylors Pov-

Shopping with four kids is not an option. So we left the twins at home with Hannah and take Elena and Jacob with us to a kid's store we got shut down for us. It's a place where I've shopped for the twins plenty of times and the owner is really accommodating, always.

"come on kiddos. Let's get some new clothes" Travis says as we get out of the car in an empty parking lot. It's early, only 8 am so before opening hours at the outside mall. Perfect time for us to get some shopping done even though the store is closed for other people a little longer than that.

When I told the kids we were going shopping Elena became withdrawn, she didn't like the idea. Jacob was hesitant because he saw his sister was, but I could tell he was actually excited at the same time. he has been easy to get to know, except when he gets affected by his sister's reluctance. I don't blame her for that though, it's a big adjustment for a nine-year-old and she is clearly uncomfortable with all of this.

Together the four of us head into the store and greet the owner who set this up for us. "thank you for doing this. It means a lot to us" I tell her, and she smiles at me "Of course. No problem. I'm happy to help."

We go to the boy's section first and start with figuring out the sizing Jacob needs. The clothes they had with them didn't fit properly, so that's the first thing we need to fix, knowing what size they actually need. Thankfully he is cooperative, and it only takes two tries to find it.

"for school you have uniforms, so you don't need clothes for that. but the stuff you had with you didn't really fit so you need a new wardrobe, shoes, and a proper winter coat" It's a cold winter here in Kansas City, even though it's technically spring with it being the beginning of March.

We work together to find clothes for the rest of the winter season and some stuff to start the next season before moving on to Elena. She has been saying that she doesn't need anything, but I know she does. The clothes she has now don't fit her properly and are old and ruined in different places. I've found several small holes, and her shoes are clearly cramping up her feet.

Why she doesn't want anything I don't really know, but it might have something to do with the fact that she isn't used to this. She isn't used to getting her needs met and new things when the old ones break. That's being turned on its head overnight for them and I'm sure that's a big adjustment for them to handle.

"come on sweetie. What colors do you like? Only pink or do you like others too? and how do you like your jeans to fit?" there are so many options I really need her help to know what we are looking for or we will be here all day.

"I like most colors" she shrugs tentatively. It's like she doesn't want to take up space, have an opinion, or be a burden of some sort. I just wish I could get her to realize that she isn't a burden and will never be that to us. She will never be a burden again, only be showered in love. it will take time though, I know that.

For the last few nights I've made it a habit to check on them during the night, and like clockwork, Elena isn't sleeping. So I sit down next to her and stay until I'm sure she is back asleep, so she gets at least a few more hours. It pains me to see her cry and not pull her into my arms like I wish I could, but I don't want to throw myself at her before she is ready for that kind of stuff. When she is ready, I think it will be clear where she stands.

Since she isn't much of a help Travis and I work together to grab clothes for her with minimal input. There is only so much I can do about it today, and I don't want to make her panic either. If she doesn't want to pick that's fine, we can do it for her If that's easier on her. Next time she might want to help more. We are taking this one step at a time.

Afterward, we head towards Arrowhead Stadium because we are dropping Travis off at practice and I will be alone with all four kids when we get back home. "wow, it's bigger in person" Jacob awes from the backseat. I've already learned that he loves football, so we are signing him up for it when he starts school on Monday.

"It's really cool huh? I'll bring you sometime. Let you see the inside of it. it's even cooler" Travis says as we pull up at the drop-off zone.

Both of us get out of the car to switch places, me taking the driver's side and he kisses me before letting me get back in. "love you beautiful" he tells me before saying bye to the kids as well.

That leaves me with the kids, so I close the car door and get ready to drive us home. "does he practice often?" Jacob asks and I nod "Yeah, almost every day. Either at the gym at home or at the stadium. It takes a lot to be an athlete at his level. But he makes plenty of time for family as well."

At times it's hard because he works so much, but we have figured out a system to make it work for our little family. It's all about finding a balance and then prioritizing the time together when you have a chance. It took some trial and error, but we figured out how to make it work for us and that's the most important thing. What works for Pat, and Britt might not work for us, and what works for us might not work for them.

We drive home and we walk in to excuse the nanny for the day. I don't need her... at least I think I can do this on my own. I don't want to leave Elena and Jacob in the hands of a nanny quite yet, it's too soon. So there isn't really a way for me to get some work done which is why I usually use Hannah to begin with.

"mama" Maddie shrieks and comes running on her little legs. "hi sweetheart" I pick her up when she reaches me and head inside to release Hannah. It doesn't take long, and she is on her way home before I know it. now I'm all alone with the kids, four of them.

I end up putting on a movie for the twins before taking the shopping bags upstairs to Elena and Jacob's bedrooms. I'll unpack them when Travis gets home because I don't want to leave the twins downstairs alone for long. Who knows what they would do I they were left unsupervised for long, especially Maddie.

Back downstairs I see all four of them tucked on the couch watching that old kids' movie Bolt about that special dog. It makes me happy to see that Elena and Jacob seem to be getting along with the twins, it means the world to me. it also makes my life easier.

"Lena cuddle?" I hear Maddie say and I hold my breath as I watch Elena open up her arms for the girl she has known for a week and let her snuggle into her arms. That's precious and I want to bottle up these moments and tuck them away forever. 

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