hits different - Taylor Swift and Travis kelce

doctor marlow

-Taylors pov-

Spring has set in for full in Kansas City. The weather seemingly shifted overnight last week, and we can now wear light spring jackets and the snow is nowhere to be seen anymore. It's April after all, so the snow stayed longer than usual this year, not that I'm complaining. I like snow and weather that's perfect for snuggling under blankets in front of the fireplace with hot cocoa.

But today isn't a good day, because I'm visiting an oncologist. It only took a week to get an appointment from calling my primary care doctor and explaining the state of my body. He was quick to recommend going straight to an oncologist. They already had me do tests, what they called diagnostic mammography, bloodwork, and other small tests before the appointment.

I've been constantly terrified ever since I agreed to go to the doctor. And the mere mention of an oncologist had me hunching over the toilet for a long while. Needs to say I'm not prepared for this. I'm not prepared for what the doctor has to say. And I don't even know If he or she can conclude something today or If they need more tests. Who knows, maybe they will tell me I'm fine.

Travis parks our car in the parking lot, and I take a deep breath. "ready?" he asks and squeezes my hand he has been holding on my thigh the whole way. "No fucking way, but let's go anyway" I'm pretty sure that if I waited until I was ready, I would never walk into that building. I fucking hate hospitals for good reason, and now I might be spending more time there. Fuck my life.

Hand in hand we walk into the hospital and find the oncology department where I also actually did the mammogram and bloodwork earlier this week. I arrived an hour early and it took me that hour to get out of the car to take the tests. But I did it and now I'm here.

"appointment for Taylor Swift," I say to the receptionist quietly, not wanting to draw attention to myself. "yes, Miss Swift. I'll tell Dr. Marlow you're here."

We take a seat and Travis keeps holding my hand tightly. My palm is sweaty, so it's probably not too comfortable, but I can't let go of it. I need him, I need my anchor if I'm going to sail these stormy seas. But I don't know if even that will be enough this time if I'm sick.

It only takes about ten minutes before the same nurse comes back out and motions for me to come with her. We follow her into an office where we are told to wait a few minutes before the doctor comes and talks with us. At least we are out of the waiting room, decreasing the risk of being spotted, but I still don't feel comfortable. I want to run out of this building and never come back. That is what all my instincts are telling me, run for your life. It is ironic if I'm sick because running wouldn't save my life, quite the opposite actually.

The doctor comes in and I take a deep breath before standing up and shaking her hand "miss swift, im dr jenna marlow. It's nice to meet you" she says with a smile, probably the one she gives all her patients to set them at ease. Before we sit down I introduce her to travis and then we take a seat again. "just Taylor, I don't like to be so formal. This is... yeah... just call me Taylor" I say.

"Okay, Taylor. let's just jump right into it. I looked at your mammogram and there is definitely a mass in your right breast as well as swollen lymph nodes. So what I want to do is what's called a core needle biopsy to see if there are malignant cells in the mass or not. If you'd be comfortable with it, I would like to do it today so we can get a start on seeing if this is cancerous or not. There is still a chance is a benign mass." She says and let me take it all in.

Sticking a needle into my boob? Ouch, that sounds painful. "so you want to stick a needle into my boob? A big needle?" I ask and squeeze the life out of Travis's hand.

"in short, yes. It's the only definitive way to determine if a mass is cancerous or not. We need a sample for testing" she explains and tells me how she wants to use an ultrasound and a long hollow needle to take out a sample of the mass.

"fine. do it" I finally say after a long pause. I appreciate them giving me a moment to just take it in. To some, it might not sound like a big deal, but this could change my life forever. I see what it did to my mom, I see how badly things can go with these things. But she is right, it might be nothing. It might just be a benign thing. Right? Or is that something she says to set me at ease, but she thinks it's cancer? It's hard to tell with her poker face.

**

The big needle in my boob hurt a bit even with the local anastatic. But now it's done, and I get to go home. In a few days, I will be back and then we will know for sure what's going on.

"I need a venti Frappuccino stat to deal with this," I tell Travis when we get in the car. "I'll swing by the drive-through then. Whatever you need" he shrugs, willing to give me anything I need right now.

In silence, we head through the drive-through and get me the goods while he gets an americano. The first sip is heaven of a sugar bomb. I rarely drink these, mostly sticking to lattes or different kinds of iced coffee, but this Is heaven. Venti White chocolate Frappuccino with whipped cream hits the spot just right.

"do you want to talk about it?" Travis says as we drive towards our home. The older kids are still at school while the twins are at home with the nanny. "I don't know how much there is to say. I don't know what to think Travis. It might be nothing or I might be sick. Honestly, I don't know if I even want to know. Being in the dark doesn't sound too bad."

If I don't know it can't hurt me, right? No that's just wishful thinking. It's the easy thing to ignore it, whatever it is, it's my gut instinct. After seeing my mom through everything she went through I hate hospitals and get a weird feeling around doctors. It made it even harder to deal with the twins being in the NICU when I had that backstory with my mom. I've seen how sick she gets from chemo; I've held her hand through cycle after cycle.

"whatever it is we will deal with it. and I promise on everything I love that I will be there by your side no matter what. Sick or not sick. I'm still here by your side, always" he says, and I can't help but let a few tears fall.

"I might be sick Travis. Really sick. And we have kids. Four kids that need us. Two of which we are trying to fucking adopt for god's sake, but they already feel like ours. But now we got to deal with this shit. It's not fair" I give up on wiping my tears, there is no point. One flows down my face after another until it's a solid stream of pain.

"take a deep breath. We don't know before we know, okay? So let's take this one step at a time. now we wait for the result and take the next step when we get those" he squeezes my hand again and I cling to his like it's my lifeline because it is.

***

The last three days were torture waiting for the call to come back in for the results. We got the call, and I threw up on the floor afterward. Travis had to finish up the call because I couldn't keep anything down. Thank god the kids weren't around because that would make them worried.

The doctor's office is clean and modern with posters about cancer on the walls. Like anyone want to look at those things here? I'm sure I'm not the only one that sits here scared out of their fucking minds.

"Taylor, Travis, nice to see you again," Dr. Marlow says when she walks into the room, and we greet her back. My greeting is weak, and borderline nonexistent. I'm just so scared of what she has to say.

After taking a seat she turns towards us "there are good news and bad news here"