hits different - Taylor Swift and Travis kelce

waiting

-Travis pov-

I get a last glance at Taylor before they wheel her around the corner, leaving me in an empty pre-op room. "Mr. Kelce, I can take you to the waiting room where you can wait for her to be out of surgery," a nurse says, and I wordlessly follow her out.

The waiting room is big, impersonal, and smells of antiseptic, just like the rest of the hospital. Growing up I didn't spend much time in places like these, only when I had injuries from sports, but with the twins, we spent a lot of time here. it's not unfamiliar but it's unwelcomed, I don't want to be here, I don't want to have a reason to be here.

Taking a seat I rest my head in my hands. So many things could go wrong with the surgery, it's major surgery after all. They went through the risks with us, and I can't get them out of my head. I can't live without her; I wouldn't know what to do without her.

"Travis" I hear someone call my name and look up. It's Andrea, Jacob, Elena, Scott and Austin. They're here? Andrea was supposed to be home with the kids, so I'm confused.

I stand up to greet them "What are you guys doing here? I didn't know you were coming" I furrow my eyebrows. No one even told me Austin and Scott are in town.

"our plane just got here. you didn't think we would leave you two to do this on your own? We are family, of course we are here" Scott says and hugs me.

Andrea tells me that Hannah is watching the twins, but Elena and Jacob want to come with her instead. We didn't plan on any of them being here for this, but I can't help but be relieved to not sit here all alone for hours. I'm a nervous wreck so I welcome the distraction of having people around.

"Is she okay?" Elena asks as we sit down, Elena on one side of me and Jacob on the other. "she was okay when she went into surgery. Now we just need to wait for the doctor to come and tell us how it went" I don't want to lie to her and tell her Taylor is okay because we don't know that. I'm not into lying to my kids, I prefer telling the truth.

"I'm scared, what if she isn't okay?" Jacob says, and I wrap my arm around his shoulder "You know what? I'm scared too, it's okay to be scared when something scary is happening. But she has the best doctors in there, and all we can do is wait for them to do their job. We can't control what happens next, that's scary."

I don't dare to think about what I would do if something did happen during surgery, something that takes her away from me. because there is no me without her, she is my other half, my better half. There is no other option than her getting through surgery with flying colors, there just isn't. Without her my days would be gray, forever cold and empty. And I would have four kids on my own. No, I can't even think about that shit. She is going to be fine; she has to. There are people that need her, our kids need her, I need her.

Time passes and I don't know how long we have been here. everything is in a hazy blur, and I don't know which way is up or down.

"Travis, go take some air. you need it. There is still a while until she is out of surgery" Andrea says, and I shake my head. I need to be here in case something happens; in case they need me. "we will come get you if they need you" she argues, and I sigh.

"fine" Standing up I head downstairs and out into the fresh air. it's hot today, the sun is shining, but I can't seem to find joy in it like I usually do. so much is uncertain, I've learned that more than ever in the last couple of weeks. The heat doesn't feel nice against my skin, I'm icy cold from the anxiety.

I don't stay outside for long, only ten minutes before I head back inside and take my seat again between my kids. Elena is playing Candy Crush on her phone while Jacob is playing Pokémon Go. We got them phones shortly after they came to us so they can contact us if they need something, and we weren't there. Nine is a good age to get a phone right? I don't fucking know. It just seemed like the right thing to do.

"Are you winning?" I ask Elena who is immersing herself in the game "Yes, I already completed a level. But this one is one of the harder ones."

I wish I could distract myself with something, but every time I try, I just feel empty. Everyone else is on their phones, but I just can't seem to focus enough. The thoughts running through my head are a never-ending rollercoaster that doesn't seem to take a break. I'm exhausted but I don't think I could take a nap either, because at the same time, I'm wired high.

God, I wish I could be in her stead, and go through this for her so she didn't have to. I would face any pain if it meant that she would be spared, name it and I would do it. but I can't do this for her, I'm uselessly sitting out here without being able to control anything. I can't fix her; I can't get rid of the cancer. No, I need to rely on other people to save my wife from this before it kills her.

Another few hours pass by until finally, the surgeon we met with last week comes out. he takes off his surgical cap and comes closer to us. "Mr. Kelce?" he asks for me, and I hurry over to him, eager for news but terrified of what he might tell me.

"there are good news and bad news."