Permanent Rebellion

Almost Is Never Enough

POV: Ace (heavy themes mentioned)

The boys made a plan for dealing with Vox. He was pretty much powerless at this point, and he knew how much shit he was really in. Angel and I started liberating all the talent that were signed under Valentino little by little. All their 'assistants' and such left just as fast as they came. It made me so happy seeing Angel finally have his freedom. He told me the only reason why Husk and him couldn't be public cause of Val, now they were all lovebirds every chance they got. Still no sign of Alastor either, which made things a tad easier visiting the hotel.

Lucifer came to me the other night when I was up late training. Asking me if I felt something off about Adam. When I really thought about it, he looked more exhausted than usual. He was lazy usually but this wasn't his normal couch potato-ness. He was sore, his smiles were mostly forced nowadays, which I hated seeing. I noticed the disassociating he would do, the temple rubbing, the empty look in his eyes. I didn't know why or what was going on with him. Lucifer went to an Overlord meeting today, said I didn't need to come, so I begged Adam to come hang at the hotel with me.

Adam was sitting out in the small garden that was in back of the hotel, with the renovations, Lucifer transformed the back of the hotel into a little paradise. I was sitting on the stool of the outside bar, watching him intently that I didn't notice the person come up and sit next to me. "He's spiraling..." Vaggie's voice broke me from my trance. I turned to her and sighed softly. "I know...I don't know why...Lucifer picked up on it before I did..." I leaned back in the stool. Vaggie hummed and crossed her arms. "He got like this a few times in heaven, he would lock himself up in his office days on end, not even Lute could convince him to come out...sure I was never a fan of my boss but I knew something was wrong..." she glanced over to me and I nodded and locked eyes with her. "Then suddenly he would come back and act like nothing was wrong, cracking his shitty jokes, throwing usual insults...it was like whiplash...even to Lute, she couldn't keep up with the mood shifts and the self isolation..." Vaggie continued.

My eyes fell back to Adam. I analyzed his body language, he leaned against the trunk of the big apple tree, head back and eyes closed, the clenching and unclenching of his jaw, the way his hands ever so trembled as they came up to cover his face. Oh my god...he was depressed...I got up and placed a hand on Vaggie's shoulder. "I see it now, thanks V" I smiled tightly before walking past her to go to Adam. I cautiously made my way up to him. "Hey Addy" I said softly and my heart clenched when I saw him flinch at my voice. "Can we talk...?" I asked and leaned on the other side of the tree trunk. "About what?" His voice almost sounded nervous. "Uh...what's been going on?...you've been acting weird...and well...I don't know why you won't talk to us about what's eating at ya..." I said, my voice as gentle as I can make it. He stiffened a little and didn't look at me.

"Don't know whatchya mean..." he muttered and crossed his arms. "The bags under your eyes, you've stopped eating, you're constantly sore and your smiles never meet your eyes anymore...it's scaring me Adam...Vaggie told me you used to do this up in heaven a lot..." I rambled until I was cut off. "The fuck does she know about anything? I just said nothing is going on okay? Why do you have to be so fucking nosey? Huh? You and Lucifer both!" His voice suddenly panicked and angry, pushing himself from the tree and looked at me, his eyes piercing. "Are you depressed Adam?" I locked eyes with him and my voice more stern than before. He shook his head incredulously and let out a choked laugh. "You fuckin with me right? I'm not fucking depressed Ace! The fuck you take me for some sort of pussy?" I picked up the waver in his voice. "No, but you aren't untouchable Adam, you hurt, you cry, and you can suffer from mental health issues like everyone else! Hell you are the first man of creation! You are a creator of mental illness!" I said pointedly, not meaning to sound so harsh. "I'm sorry...that came out wrong...just Adam...you know we agreed after the Valentino thing that we'd all be more open and honest with one another...please I just want to help...I love you" it was my voice that wavered this time, the thought of losing Adam again bringing up bottled emotions.

"Yeah, and I have been, so if you don't fucking mind, I need a break from this piss stain hotel" he said under his breath before turning and walking off. I stood there, not chasing after him. I pulled out my phone to call Lucifer.

"Ace?"
"He's depressed...like big time..." I said barely above a whisper.
"Oh my...I thought as much...how'd you come to that?" He asked.
"Vaggie told me he used to have these episodes up in heaven from time to time, then act like they never happened..." I sniffled a little and ran a hand through my hair.
"Fuck...where is he now?"
"Uh...we kinda got into a spat when I asked about it...he walked off a few minutes ago..." I covered my face with a shaky hand.
"It's okay Ace...I'm still in the city...I'll keep an eye out for him" he reassured me.
"I'm gonna go back home and look around our room and such...maybe find more information or something..." I sighed and snapped open a portal.
"Okay love, call me if anything happens?"
"Always.."
I hung up and walked through the portal that lead into our room.

I looked around, my eyes landing on a heap of Adam's things. I really didn't want to do this but...I need more info to understand...I bent over and started digging through his things. There were heaps of clothes on his side of the room, nothing there. Maybe check his jean pockets, he had a habit of not emptying them. I dug through the pockets, nothing but lighters, guitar picks, candy wrappers...wait what is this? A drug store receipt...I read the purchased items...one item standing out completely.

Silenor (doxepin)? A fucking prescription? When did he start taking this? It was a refill as well...I recognized the name it was a sleeping medication. It was a fairly high dosage as well...

I looked more down the receipt and covered my mouth slightly reading the next couple items.

Alcohol...whiskey to be exact and a huge bottle as well...along with a notebook and a cheap pen...what the fuck...

I sat there on the floor, my head spinning until the pieces finally fell into place. No...no no....nonononono....I need to warn Lucifer...now! I pulled out my phone, my hands shaking unbearably hard, just finding his contact hard as unshed tears filled my eyes.

"Ace? What-?"
"Adam plans to kill himself! I found a receipt for sleeping meds he's apparently been taking without our knowledge...and a big bottle of whiskey...pen and fucking paper! Lucifer....find him please! Fly over the city...I'll take the streets..."
I hung up before he could answer and got up on wobbly legs before taking off from the estate into the city.