Permanent Rebellion

Need You Now

POV: Adam (finally out of coma state/heavy topics)

I sat up in the hospital bed, the head nurse checking my vitals. I woke up from my coma thingy a few days ago. Both of them seemed to be walking on eggshells since. Ace came in to sing for him while I played my guitar. Lucifer came in every night to make sure I was getting my 8 hours of sleep. Just by the looks in their eyes, I knew they were holding back what they wanted to each talk to me about. I decided to trap Ace first into getting him to spill. Lucifer was a bit trickier in getting him to spill his guts.

Ace placed my guitar in the new case he got for me, it was sick as fuck too. "So you gonna fucking spill? Don't act like I can;t tell when something's burning on your tongue Ace..." I crossed my arms and he froze, staying turned away from me. "What do you want to hear?" He murmured and zipped up the case before putting it aside from him. "Everything...ever since I woke up, yall been on fucking eggshells, now spill" I glared at him, I knew he felt my eyes on him just by how he nearly shrunk into himself. "I'm mad..." "At what?" "You..." he answered and I blinked at him in shock. Me...? I mean for attempting sure but what else was there? I waited for him to elaborate on his answer.

"Don't you realize how many times I contemplated doing what you did?" I felt a small ring in my ears. What?...I remained silent, my jaw clenching slightly. "Ever since I was held in that FUCKING cell...I was better off dead...they did their damn best trying to break me...I give them props...I was so close at times but then...when I closed my eyes at night...I saw your face...that smile only reserved for me...it gave me the spite to prove them wrong...to keep fighting...then when I fell...the feeling grew more...what good am I if I couldn't keep my promise Adam? I was a fucking failure...." Ace's voice was raw and hurt. I listened and shifted my weight on the bed.

"I promised you I would never leave you...and if I did I would do ANYTHING to get back to you...even if you passed on...and ended up how Eve did...I would take my life to be with you..." he said, unshed tears in the corners of his eyes. I glanced at my hands that sat in my lap. "I wanted to die...for good so many times...but I knew how much damage I would have left behind doing so...Charlie...who practically became like a daughter to me...all my friends at the hotel...and god the damage it would have done to Lucifer...if he was in that deep of depression when Lilith left...if I was gone..." he visibly shuddered at the mere thought, as did I.

"Then Lucifer threw us at each other and...I had another reason to live again..." the look he gave me made my heart race a bit. "So I'm mad at you...just only cause you managed to pull through with it...but at the same time I'm just happy you're sitting here next to me...and I'm just...conflicted...I'm sorry you couldn't come to either of us..." he smiled sadly, one smile I was all too familiar with from Ace. I sat there taking it all in and suddenly reached over pulling him into my chest, holding him close and tight. "I'm sorry...I didn't even know...or bothered to ask you how you felt...I was so caught up in my head...like always" I muttered into his shoulder. "I love you...and I know now to come to you guys...trust you guys..." I sighed as he held me back and nuzzled into my chest.

We sat there for a long time till he got up to start dinner. My next target was Lucifer, who mainly came in the middle of the night. After dinner, I kept myself vigilant waiting for him to check up on me. After sometime, definitely past 1am, I heard the door open and light footsteps. I pretended to sleep until I heard them retreat when I spoke up. "Stay...we need to talk" I sat up and his back was turned away from me, he was still in full suit attire. Man never stopped working...

"About what dear?" His voice barely audible. "I already trapped Ace...got him to spill...what's eating at you Luci..." I said gently, and he turned to face me, hurt in his eyes. "That you were gonna leave me? For possibly good?" There it was...I took a deep breath and patted the bed next to me. "Cmon...let it out" I glanced up at him. He hesitated before walking over and pulling up his knees to his chest on the bed next to mine.

"Honestly...I couldn't even think of the possibility of you being actually permanently dead Adam...another loved one leaving me, without telling me what I've done...only through a letter and a goodbye...I felt my whole world fall apart...again..and again.." he held his head in his hand leaning his elbows on his knees. "I suck as a dad...and suck at being a lover...I already fucked up with us once Adam...and now I had a chance to redo just for me to lose you for good? Fuck!" I could hear him crying into his hands. I listened and sat in the same spot. Fuck...I should try lending my hand instead of asking for theirs all the time... "Luci...I'm sorry...I thought...I thought since I've been the problem...in everything...that I wanted to take myself out from being said problem..." I whispered. "Adam you were never the true problem...you were so trusting and bright eyed...kind...to me...and to Ace...then it was crushed by me...and heaven...Lilith...crushed by the harshness of Earth...your boys...that heartbreak you must of went through..." Lucifer sniffled and looked at me, his chin resting over his crossed arms leaning on his knees.

"I know...I was just so...tired...of everyone and everything" I let out a small choked breath, a small lump in my throat. Lucifer got up and came over, cupping my face with his hands gently as he rested his forehead on mine. "It's okay to be, but let us know okay? So we can be tired with you..." he smiled up at me before placing a kiss on my lips. It was firm yet so light. I kissed back and hugged him into my lap. The only light being the one in the hall of the main part of the infirmary. He pulled away and held my cheek before getting up to go leave. "Get some rest, Charlie and everyone is visiting tomorrow..." he said before turning to head back to Ace who was probably already asleep.

I turned over in my bed, curling up, feeling much warmer in my heart than I did before attempting.