"I Just Gotta Get Out of L.A": a Jatt Mpregfic

And you know, you know I love you so

Joshua

I can't wait to marry Matt but for now, I love him so much more than he thinks.

It's been about a month since Leo was born. Time has flown by so fast that I lost count of the days.

Leo was supposed to be an early summer baby but he was born mid spring which wasn't planned at all. The doctor originally scheduled my c-section to be after the 9-month mark.

"I would've held you longer that night when you kissed me goodbye through your tears," I sing my song 'The Golden Years' quietly and hum along while making breakfast for everyone.

Leo woke me up, needing a diaper change and for me to pick up his favorite stuffie, Arnold the Octopus, that Adrian gave him. It was just in time for me to make Father's Day breakfast too. Leo is keeping me company while I make Matt his coffee.

Matt's been quiet over the last month after he finished his press tour for the movie he was in. I've been concerned about his mental health since before Leo was born. He has been sleeping a lot later and hasn't talked to me about his parents, siblings, the movie premiere which I don't know anything about, or his mental health.

He helps out with Leo as much as he can but he is also modeling, acting class teaching for youth, and being closed off in the office to do self-tapes. I don't know what he's doing post-movie press. I am working on a new EP in my free time and consulting Leo, who is barely 2 months old as my music genius. I am planning on bringing Leo to the studio sometime because my manager wants to meet him and I can't be on maternity leave forever.

"You wanna show, Papa what we made for him?" I go over to Leo's rocker and attempt to pick him up and realize that he has fallen asleep again with his little octopus stuffy on his stomach.

"Awww, it's okay. I bet Papa is tired too. I'll let you two nap for a few more minutes while the pop-tarts cook in the toaster," I whisper after kissing him on the forehead.

I have discovered that he doesn't like being touched, being out of Matt and I's room during nap time, or being held for more than a minute. He also hates the swaddles and carriers we have. This device that rocks him back and forth that Kate recommended is his favorite thing ever and sometimes it is the only way he will sleep during daytime naps.

He is only one month old and has so much personality and I swear he is getting my curls.

I am making pop-tarts because they are Matt's comfort breakfast. I know that Coffee and pop tarts are not healthy but he loves them. We also need a day away from cleaning dishes. I have cleaned so many bottles in the last month that it is not even funny. Sometimes it hurts to bend down to the dishwasher so I hand wash a lot more than I should.

While the pop tarts are heating up in the toaster oven, I glance down at my phone on the counter and see all the Father's Day texts coming through from friends and family.

One particular text stands out the most though, it's from Clem, Matt's older sister.

We hardly ever text unless it's about Matt's family or if she is coming over ot Atlanta.

Adrian (the fun uncle): Happy Father's Day, Josh. When can I see Leo again?

Dad: Happy Father's Day. Your mom sent over a flower arrangement.

Mom: Happy first Father's Day. I love you. Enjoy it while it lasts. I sent over a flower arrangement.

Aunt Sof: Happy Father's Day, Josh.