Harry Potter Oneshots and Headcanons

Selfish (Remus x Tonks)

Selfish.

That's what I was. What I am. A good for nothing, filthy, selfish and dangerous half-breed. I left my pregnant wife, alone and depressed at her parent's house while I tried to find a way to escape my worries and fears. Running away in the face of trouble, like I always have done; like I always do.

Everyday I still get fresh waves of guilt as I remember leaving her and thinking of a way to go. A way to make myself feel better, not thinking about how much it would hurt her. I found Harry, asked to go with him on his mission. Disguising my desire, to get out, as an offer to keep them safe.

He told me what I needed to hear, told me I was a coward. He was right. I was, and I am, a coward.

I left, furious that he had spoken to me in that way. Angry about the things he said. It hurt that someone thought that about me. But what pained me the most is that he was confirming what I already thought about myself.

I went back. I left Grimmauld Place and headed home, desperate to make it up to my wife as I had fully decided I needed to grow up. Needed to stop being a moron and step up to responsibility. It didn't matter, I realised, that my unborn child, our unborn child, might be a Werewolf. I knew it was time to accept it, and I was finally ready.

I apparated back, the lump in my throat and the weight on my chest fading away like ashes scattered in the wind. But that's exactly what I saw.

Ashes.

An invisible force slammed into me as I saw it. The burning house before me. Bright, orange flames licked at the rubble and grey achrid smoke billowed into the dark night sky.
"No," I whispered, my voice hoarse, as I saw the ministry of magic officials surrounding the destroyed pile of debris before them. "Death eaters," I heard them whisper. "Terrible loss" reached my ears, but I was numb.

A short lady walked over to me. My heart threw itself against my chest. I didn't want to hear it. Hear the words that I knew would freeze my blood and poison me.

She took my hand gently and asked me my name. I replied robotically, praying to merlin and every other great wizard I knew of, that the next words she spoke wouldn't be the ones I was dreading.

The blood was pounding in my ears as what felt like a burning venom coursed through my veins. An agony like no other sliced through me. I knew it. As soon as I saw their home I knew that she was gone. But knowing already didn't stop the pain. It hurt more.

Her words were soft but sharp as they pierced the air.
"I'm so sorry, Mr.Lupin, but your wife Nymphadora Lupin... is dead."

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Those pesky death eaters lol :) had writers block recently... Not I don't know what to write... more I just keep writing badly, so sorry for not updating much!