Harry Potter Oneshots and Headcanons

Tears and Traumas

After the battle of Hogwarts, Sirius and Remus managed to survive, but both suffer with trauma. They have scars that seem as if they will never heal but are determined to help each other:

Remus's hands shake. He can't stop it and it's worse when he's nervous, which is nearly always. It gets hard to pick things up, or to speak.
Sirius holds him when he's this way, kisses his hands and cheek, reassuring him he's safe now.

Anxiety taunts the both of them and panic attacks aren't rare. Loud noises make them jump and they remember the flashes of the curses hurled their way. The attacks are often for silly reasons, just small things trigger the memories and they feel themselves shuddering again. In these moments they are back at Hogwarts, Harry's body in front of them, or the lifeless eyes of dead children watching them.

For several years, Sirius can't be left alone in the dark and he is severely claustrophobic. Any small space reminds him of Azkaban. Even though he managed to escape, he fears entrapment. But Remus remembers this and is careful to stay by his side, never faltering when he's needed.

Both of them dislike using wands for at least a year, flashes of green light and the smell of death jumping to mind when they touch the wood. They work together and it gets easier.

For weeks after the war ends, Remus doesn't sleep but when he finally can they fall asleep with their fingers linked, so both know the other isn't lost; and if one of them needs to cry, they both do. It doesn't feel stupid or wrong. It feels honest. Like they can finally let emotions go.

Nightmares are frequent in the beginning, but lessen as time goes on. But each time Sirius wakes up yelling or sweating, Remus is there for him. His arms around his waist and Sirius's face pressed into his neck.

Talking helped Remus a lot but Sirius didn't want to speak. The horrors he'd seen in the battle and in Azkaban didn't want to leave his mind at the start, and it pained him to think of how the other survivors were suffering.
Remus kept trying despite this and Sirius did open up, and they talked and talked. Sirius felt better after that, after each night of speaking, and he didn't need to owl Harry each night just to check he was safe.

It was hard and it took time, but Remus and Sirius healed. Not completely, but enough so that the wounds became scars and the troubles they'd endured seemed smaller. It wasn't kisses or 'I love you' that fixed them slowly. It was the dedication and support they gave each other and, in the end, it was enough for both of them.