Harry Potter Oneshots and Headcanons

Dear Remus

Dear Remus,

What the hell do I say? There's so much that I want to tell you, that I need to tell you, but I can't find the words and I don't know if you even want to hear them. I just need to talk to someone and I have no one else. They either hate me or are dead.

But please, if you only remember one thing I've ever said to you, let it be this.

I am sorry. This is so messed up and confusing and it is breaking me, it really is, but I am just so sorry. This is the last thing you need and the last thing you deserve. You deserve so much more Remus, so much more than what you've been forced to deal with. It is killing me and it's only been one day. One day in Azkaban is like a lifetime, I swear. There's no time here, only the light of the moon against the dark walls of my cell and the sounds of screams that pierce the air.
The memories from school are the only thing keeping me alive. Memories of us messing around and laughing, but even they are growing foggy. It's been one day and I'm already losing touch.
My family keeps crawling into my thoughts. They're like a plague, but you already know that and I'm talking about myself again and... I need to stop apologising and explain more but it's hard. Hard to say and hard to think and I'm not sure if it's me or this damn place.

Just know it wasn't me. You must understand this, it wasn't me. I didn't betray James or Lily or you, it was Peter and I hate him for it. If I ever get out of this place alive the first thing I'll do is murder him and that's a promise. It will be worth getting thrown back in here for life and he'd deserve it, he does deserve it. I would feel no guilt.
How could he do this? I don't understand, I would rather die than betray my friends. This is why I think youll believe me when I say I didn't kill him or anyone.
You were brothers to me and I love you all. James is gone and it's broken me, and Lily too and Harry is alone. I can't do my job, I'm so pathetic that I can't even be his Godfather; like I promised James I would be.

And then there's you. Remus, I can't stand leaving you, I can't get you out of my head. Where are you going to go? What are you going to do? These are dark times. Voldemort might be gone but prejudice isn't and the idea of you being outcast because of your problem makes me angry and sick to the stomach. But the worst part is there's nothing I can do to help you. There will be no one there to comfort you at the full moon, no friends to help you out and tell you it will be okay.

How did we both end up so alone?

Don't hate me. You're my best friend. James is gone and I only have you left and I don't really have that now. I won't expect you to visit. Not because I don't want you to but because no visitors are allowed.

I have to go now. Trials to go to, Dementors to see.

But please understand that I love you, and I loved James and Lily. I loved Peter too but it makes me sick to even say his name now. But you must know that I would never do that to my friends. I wouldn't sell them  out to Voldemort and I wouldn't... I just wouldn't do what Peter has done. I'm no traitor.
I'm sorry. I love you like a brother and I only hope I see you again one day. Seems unlikely, but wolves can't run forever and dogs can't stay locked in cages forever either. Drives them mad.

All my love,
Sirius

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Sorry this isn't too great, I'm very tired right now!
This comes across quite wolfstarry, I know, but it's not meant to be. If you want to take it as that you can and if not then just read it as them being friends. :)
Thank you so much for 21k reads and nearly 2k votes by the way! That's amazing and I don't know how I've got this far but thank you <3 cookies and milkshakes for all of you.