Secret Desire (Nyssara FanFic)

Trying

Sara and Nyssa tried to spend as much time as they could with each other since they have reunited. Neither of them liked the idea of hiding away from everyone else, but it was how they have to do it. They just have to make it all work.

Nyssa has already been accustomed to ignoring the feeling that the love they once shared was no longer there. She is hopeful that she could bring it back but has no idea how. And having hope is a dangerous thing for an assassin like her. It means you have something to lose. Something someone can use against you. She has accepted that she has a weakness, when she accepted that she can't run and hide from the intensity of the love she feels for Sara. She knows that her great love for her would be her undoing, and she has a strange feeling that time could be near.

"Where did your thoughts take you this time?"

She and Sara were walking around the vast grounds of the league's sanctuary. It was a cold and quiet night.

"Nowhere."

"You've been losing yourself in your thoughts a lot lately. What worries you, Nyssa?"

Sara has been growing concerned for how distant Nyssa has slowly becoming. She was still sweet and caring, but it just seemed that she wasn't always there with her. She knew she shouldn't complain. She's the one who only has half her heart in it. If she knows to herself that things are amiss, then Nyssa would definitely be able to tell. Sara loved that about her. She always seems to know how she really felt even if she herself doesn't have a single clue.

Nyssa wasn't sure whether to tell her or just keep up with the charade and let it all play out. But she's hid so much from her already, so she decided just to be honest with her. Maybe it could help mend things between them.

"You do."

Sara's heart clenched. She knew she could tell, but it hurt to hear it still. And she didn't know what to say to it. Should she apologize or make up some excuse? She was saved when Nyssa continued.

"I know you're trying, Sara, and I am grateful for that. But there's no denying that things are no longer the same between us. I want to make this work. Mend whatever it is that's broken between us. But I don't know if I can."

Broken. It might have been the best way to describe what they have, Sara thought. Everything they have and had are broken.

"You can't, but together we can. I love you, Nyssa."

"Do you really?" Nyssa hated that she had to ask, especially when she saw tears threatening in Sara's eyes as she doubted her.

Sara's heart was breaking. Not much from Nyssa doubting her love, but more from herself doubting it as well.

"Yes." She said trying to convince herself as much as Nyssa.

"I believe you, Sara." She wiped the tear that escaped. "It may not be as much as you used to, not as much as I would want you to, but I know you still do. You wouldn't be here, if you didn't. And I'll take it. I'll take whatever it is you can give."

Sara bursted into tears and Nyssa held her in her arms and soothed her. How did she deserve to be loved so immensely, deeply, and sincerely by such an endearing person? Why can't she just reciprocate the same amount of love that was being given to her? Why is that so difficult to do?

"Why do you have to be like this? Why do you have to be so accepting?" Sara said through her sobs.

"I'm not. I'm just being selfish. I just want you to be with me. I don't care if you no longer love me, as long as you choose to be with me."

"I still do want to be with you." She said when she had her sobbing under control.

"What about Oliver Queen?"