Secret Desire (Nyssara FanFic)

Retribution

After Oliver had lived from Ra's al Ghul's sword, he was said to be the rightful heir according to the prophecy, much to Nyssa's dismay. It was what she had always lived up for, what she had held on to in the League, what she knew was supposed to be hers, 'The Heir to the Demon.' She hated the thought of someone else taking what has always been hers, let alone an outsider. He was not one of them, and he's supposed to be the head of them all. She simply cannot accept that.

Malcolm Merlyn had once told her that it was her love for Sara that made her unable to take her father's place. And her father had told her that she was unfit to be the head of the demon because she allowed her weakness to come into her life which made her emotional in her judgments. She hadn't cared for their words. She loved her and had no regrets of it. She would have left all of it behind for her, but she was no longer among them. Sara was gone. And the League was all she could hold on to that she can claim her own, but now it was being taken away from her.

How could that happen? How could everything that mattered to her be taken away all at the same time?

She left the league, as she would not stand idly by as her legacy is handed to an outsider. She came to Starling City as it was the closest thing she could have of Sara. She had told Nate to stay in the league as she does not want to compromise his position in it. He had protested since he joined only because of her, but of course Nyssa had won the argument. They would still see each other from time to time as Nate was still overprotective of her.

Every single day that she had been back at Starling City, she would always go by Sara's grave. Sometimes she would talk to her, hoping she would hear her and give her any kind of response beyond the grave. Other times, she would sit silently beside her, missing her beloved so dearly. She would often find herself writing letters that she would address to Sara, saying things that she would only be comfortable telling her. Then she would go back there and read them to her.

Sara,

I know it seems sad and lonesome that I write these letters to you, but it was a part of what we've had, and I just can't let go.

I miss you so much, my love. I imagine that you are in a better place, smiling and laughing like you always do. Though I think of that, I find myself hoping and praying that this is all just a terrible nightmare. And I would wake up with you by my side soothing me, telling me 'It's okay. I'm here.' But everyday, I wake with the emptiness that you left in your passing. And I miss you more and more each day.

I thought we still had more time. I thought that despite all that had happened between us, we would still find it in us and be together. But you left me too soon, my love. No, you were taken from me too soon. That's why I can't be with you just yet. I know you would not approve, but I have to do it for myself.

I love you, Sara. Even in the life after, I know I would still love you, because there is no other you. You are my love. You are my life. I am yours even in death.

-Nyssa

She sighed deeply, collecting more of her thoughts. She cherished the times she comes to see her there, lying in her grave, because even then, at least she could have a moment with her that was just theirs.

"I really do miss you, Sara. You know, I've become friends, with your sister, Laurel. She reminds me so much of you. You both have that spirit of heroism within. You wouldn't agree. I know you don't think of yourself as a hero, but you are. That's why you were never truly one of us. In the end, you always think of others. You were my hero. You saved me more than you thought I saved you. I wish you were here."

She often finds herself talking to Sara and talking about her in present tense as if she were still there, because she simply cannot let go of the fact that she's gone. She feels that even in spirit, Sara was there with her.