Secret Desire (Nyssara FanFic)

Wasn't Mine to Keep

The rest of the dinner fell into silence. At first tension could be felt in the air but slowly the silence became comfortable for them. Nyssa cleaned up after they had finished. And Sara chose to leave her alone for a while and played with Nathan.

"Hey, what are you playing?" Sara sat beside Nathan on the floor of the living room.

"Cars. My cars."

"I see. They're very nice cars."

"They fast!" Nathan said as he wooshed around a car right in front of Sara's face.

The sound of her laughter echoed through the house, making Nyssa pause with what she was doing. She would never actually use the words, but it sent butterflies fluttering in her stomach.

Nathan put his cars down and walked up to Sara. He looked at her closely, as if examing every inch of her. And as the little boy stared at her, something else came into place. It was those eyes. The same eyes that were staring down at her in 2046.

"Of course, it was you." She said smiling.

Nathan just looked at her curiously, not knowing nor caring what she was saying. After concluding that he liked Sara, he smiled at her then enveloped her with a warm embrace with his tiny arms. The gesture surprised her at first but she welcomed it with open arms as well.

And that was the sight Nyssa caught of when she entered the room, the two most important people that ever came to her life entangled in each other's arms. It melted her heart. She wanted to go over to them and join in that beautiful moment, but she held back and just watched them.

Nathan pulled away slightly and smiled widely at Sara once more, which she returned. Then they both looked up to see Nyssa wistfully watching them. They shot her huge smiles as well. She smiled back but Sara could see the same longing in Nyssa's eyes that she knew was in hers. She wants to pull her close to her and just hold her, but she doesn't want to push it. She knew it wouldn't be easy to get back to her, and she won't give up. She will take all the time needed to make it work again, to make her believe she loves her and that she meant when she said she wasn't going anywhere.

"I see you made a new friend." Nyssa said to her son.

"Yes!" He said proudly as he hugged Sara again.

"That's great. You have to clean up and get ready for bed though."

"No. I don't wanna." He refused, clinging onto Sara harder.

It pulled at Nyssa's heart that Nathan quickly warmed up to Sara and that he would hold onto her as if asking for her to defend him. He would grow to love and trust her the way she has, and she was scared that he would be hurt the way she had been. If it was only her, she can take it all over again. She will take the aches even if it only meant a short while with her, but it's no longer just her. She has to think about Nathan as well. And she wants to shield him from all the pain as much and as long as she could. But she knew she could never really shut Sara out of her life. Despite the fear, she never could. She loves her too much. She just has to tread carefully.

"Come on. I'll go with you."

"Really?"

"Yes, of course."

It struck them both when a doubtful look dawned on his face. Their hearts were breaking. How would an innocent boy know not to trust and believe? Could he feel Nyssa's doubts hence his own?

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying with you." Sara reassured him with a kiss on the top of his nose. He smiled again and kept holding onto her.

And Nyssa hopes that Sara would never have to go back on her words to her boy.