Already Gone

Chapter 23

Fact 23:

Depression makes you selfish. It's very hard to think of other people when you're wrapped in a prickly blanket of sadness, and all you can think about is your own pain. Be proactive and take the steps you need to heal.

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Sky's POV

My eyes shift to the beautiful girl next to me involuntarily I wrapped my arms tighter around her. Something about being with her is different from any other girls. Every part of me adores every inch of her. The way she held so much strength during those years she got bullied with the fact she was also dealing with her dad's sickness no one knew about.

She may think she's weak for never talking back and fight back with Jessica but I see her resistance. The way her hands curled into a fist when Jessica taunt her. I see the fire inside her that wants to be released but something is stopping her. The way she cast down her eyes to the ground trying to push back the anger and instead pain and humiliation surfaces and it makes wonder how angry could she get. I can see she's been holding back and when the day comes when she finally lets her anger towards Jessica take over I will be there with a big smile grinning proudly.

I lift my hand that wasn't wrapped around her waist and trace where the sun hit her cheeks. Images of us together had me grinning widely, no one has made me feel like this before. When she came down the stairs that night finding me looking for alcohol because the memories of Evan is bringing me sorrow I hated the fact I feel still feel this way and all I could do is let my tears fall as I imagine him in my arms again his body growing close.

I would close my eyes as if nothing could hurt me with my eyes shut but even in the complete darkness of my mind it seemed darker.  

It took me a year to try pull every sanity I have left. I went to England to go theraphy, the best doctors was there and my parents began to worry about me. They said I space out and I would talk to myself imaging my cousin right there beside me. I couldn't let him go so I created a vision of him putting him in my every day routine as if he never left me. I did that to not drown in my pain, to delude myself he's still here with me. I couldn't let him go and it hurt every being in my body to realized I've gone insane.

My mind felt like it's wasting away when I believed I was spending time with my dead cousin I was really with no one but myself.

The one that snapped me out of it was my parents and I still remember that day. The fourteen year old boy lost in his painful mind. My mom cried for me one night with my dad trying to comfort her and I see the way I'm breaking her to see her son this way. My dad kneeled beside me and put his head on my lap and begged his son to come back to him. I saw what I've done to them and one day I walked up to the sea and I saw my cousin waiting for me on the edge of the ocean. I remember him turning to face me with tears in his eyes like he knew I'm here to say goodbye. I told him I'm sorry, I'm sorry I couldn't sail you around the world. He shook his head and smiled and told me I'm an idiot. He kissed me on my head and said it's time to let go, it's time for me to go. The weighing pain in my chest lifted as the sun went down and I knew that it's over. The aching need to see my cousin standing with me the way it was suppose to be disappeared. A new relief came instead and I knew I'm going to be okay.

Every year in his anniversary something would snap in my head, I would still feel pain lingering in the back of my mind but it wasn't as bad as it was before. I can't deny I'm not hurting anymore because if years passed the pain of missing him is still there.

When Hailey came and sat to drink with me I had the urge to place a kiss on her. Kissing her deeply in appreciation knowing she hates the taste of alcohol but she drank it just for me. She made me see things that I had hard believing but when she spoke to me and held me I wanted to try. I wanted to try and forgive myself not for me but for her.