Already Gone

Chapter 29

Fact 29:

Depression distorts your thinking. When you are depressed, your mind can play tricks on you.

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I flip through the diary dad gave to me and notice one of the title of the chapter. "Falling In Love" my fingers turning to that page. My heart beat wildly as I graze the dents of the page creating an image in my head of him writing all of this just for me.

I can almost hear his voice whispering every word he has written, I can feel every emotion heavy with each stroke of black ink.

I began to read.

I'm sure you probably already know the story of how your mother and I met considering you would beg me to retell it every night when you were little. I loved telling you the story, I love it because I see her in you and I see the way your eyes lit up. I loved your mother very much, my first ever great love but you know what my sweet angel you're my last love. Her love for me was like time just started and I didn't know what true light looked like until I saw her.  I didn't understand how much I wanted her until I began to picture her with me whenever she's not. Like her distant voice is ringing in my head and it's the noise I would never want to tune out. Like all love it hurts so much it's like you can't breathe and if someone tells you love is not meant to hurt you and if it does is not really love. I call that bullshit.  Love is a painful thing and you would never realized you could hurt like this but if the person you are with is worth it then go through hell together and then reach paradise later. My sweet daughter when you fall in love I wish for you to not hold back, I wish for you to take the pain that comes along with it, I wish for you to embrace that scary feeling of falling in love and relying that happiness from another person. You are many great things and as my daughter I will and forever believe no man is deserving of your love just like the love you gave me but I know you will give it anyway. When you have doubts of ever loving the person you have because of a big fight and said hurtful and spiteful things just remember if you ever regret being with this person and the memories of each other is the only thing you are in love with then leave. Start again my sweet daughter find that person that makes your heart beat faster everytime, find that person that makes you feel good and give you everything you hoped for. Find that person you adore, find that person to love. I always told you your mother will always be my greatest love but I was wrong you are my greatest love and I know your mother will say the same. So let someone love the greatest and darkest part of you and that's when you know that this love is the real thing.

I smiled at his words always the smart man with words. I close the book and look over on my right my heart pounding loudly. Dad is right about how your heart race everytime you set your eyes on the person you're madly inlove with.

Sky's sleeping form had me smiling softly he lay on his stomach, his bare back exposed the muscel under this light is well defined. His brown hair ruffled softly messly on his head and half his face hidden from the pillow.

I found love and I found perfection right beside me.

I lay down switching the light facing him unable to hold the feeling of love I have for him. Sometimes it does hurt when I look at him because everytime it got me thinking of him possibly loving me back. Loving every dark part of me with every scar and every hateful thought he has been eracing it all and he doesn't even realize how much he affects me.

I lean closer to him placing a soft lingering kiss against his lips. I feel his eyes flutter open sensing my touch, I pulled back our face inches apart. He wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me close to indulge in his warmth surprised filtering over his sleepy eyes.