Already Gone

Chapter 39

Is it a good day to die today?

I would ask that question every time I woke up. I don't remember what it is like to wake up and not feel this pain. Every day I sit on the sofa pretending to be reading when Amy or David enter my room. I would say I'm fine or I'm not hungry. Sky kept to his word and he didn't bother me but at times I wish he did. I wish he barged into my room and held me even if I yell at him to leave. I wish he would bump into me and ask how I am going because coming from his lips the question doesn't seem at all stupid. I would tell him what's going on in my head and he would listen. 

None of that happened, he did stay away and I wished he didn't. 

To torture myself I told Amy and David I was going for a walk but what I was doing was walking by my home. They yellow tape that was there is completely gone. One officer told me it was a gas leak that started the fire and no more investigation on what happened continued. 

Nobody could truly know the impact you have on a person's life until they are gone. 

Standing where the mailbox use to stand I inhale a shaky breath in my lungs. Unable to go on any further, I opened my eyes at the destruction of what the fire caused. Staring at the house my parents made their only home is like a piercing pain striking again and again. The photo album of their wedding when they got hitched quickly but they planned since they were 18. The pictures of them when they were all young and wild teenagers burnt with the memories of the house. 

They saw the world as life that has been lived in a excited way. Travel around the world with a single tent on their back. Make friends in a foreign country and experience new things. They threw away all responsibilities and worry and lived freely. 

I stand on the ashes that is left of what I cling to to remember how they were once happy. My mother was free spirited woman that didn't die from giving birth to me. My father who was a hopeless romantic never died from cancer. Harry the young boy that would come barging back into our home telling us all about his adventures. That was what that house represented for me, the good old days when it easier to get up in the morning and start the day.

There is no way out of this madness in my head. 

They promised to love me, they promised to stay but where are they now? Even Sky couldn't love me enough to stay. They leave, they always leave and I can't take it anymore. I'm screaming internally for every broken promises. 

So much pain, so much guilt. 

Standing here right now is when I finally decided that I don't want to feel this way anymore. That nobody gets to leave me anymore, that I will be the one that gets to leave this time. I'm at peace with my decision and the longer I stand here haunted by their memories I weep for the last time. I let it all go because tomorrow will be the day everything changes. 

I walked back to the house and found Amy and David even Sky preparing dinner. 

"Hey sweetie! Dinner is almost ready, would you like to join us?" For the past days I rarely eat with them. I always say I'm tired and Amy would nod understandingly and say she will save me a plate. 

"Okay" I smiled softly. 

I saw a flicker of surprise in her eyes but she quickly masked it with happiness. My eyes swept over to Sky where he swiftly looked away from me. The table is already made so I just sat down memorizing this moment. 

Sky sat across from me our eyes connecting for a brief moment I am stunned by the beauty of his eyes. Like I almost forgot the colors that swirl in there but how can I forget. It seemed like a long time since I stared at him without tears in my eyes. My lips tugged into a tiny smile and seeing his eyes widen in shock at my actions made me smile more. His eyes focused on my lips as if he couldn't believe what I just did. Once he recover from the initial shock he smiled back, his whole face lighting up.