Already Gone

Chapter 2

Fact 2:

Depression is a leading cause of disability.

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I walk under through the rain with my head down as tears fell from my eyes blending in with the water. Same feeling I can't shake  I like to walk it's peaceful, it makes me forget just for a little while, that's the only time I don't have to feel hated on or sad. Rain tickle down my face colliding with my tears.

Every single day I drag myself off to bed to get up and start a new day. I sometimes think what's the point but than I then think of my dad, he needs me more than anything at the moment. I always tell myself, 'Some day things will get better, some day you won't feel sad anymore' I tell myself that so I can get through the day.

I enter the house soaking wet, I drop my bag in the door step taking my jacket off. I shook my head pulling it up into a messy pony tail.I stand by the door for a moment trying to stop the tears from falling down. This is what I do everyday, so I can face my dad with a fake smile convincing him I'm ok.

I walk into my dads room and everytime it breaks my heart little by little until there is nothing left because to see my dad lying in his bed so fragile and weak. To see the only person that loves me and is always there no matter what causes a painful gut crunching feeling. I stay strong for him and this is how I get through my life, for him. I enter the cold room walking up to him quietly his skin sickly pale, he lost weight his face sunken slightly but when his eyes flutter open giving me a smile like he doesn't feel the pain makes me grin at his strength and will. 

"Hi dad" I smiled.

"Hi angel" He greet as usual.

I bit my lip trying not to cry forcing myself to be brave for him. My dad is fighting cancer for a year now and it hurts that he can't beat it this time. He gave up treatment, it was making him even more weaker if he keeps going with the treatment. He doesn't want to spend the rest of his life in a hospital. He wants to spend it with me while he can. I went to my dads side and sat next to him holding out my hand.

"How are you feeling today?"

"Today has been good, the doctor came here and checked up on me." He squeezed my hand softly.

I look into his eyes and I can see how much he's suffering from the pain. I see the lie in his words just to make me feel better but it doesn't, it makes me feel worst. My dad is the only one I have and I'm losing him I can't say goodbye to him. My mom died giving birth to me and my dad is the only one I got. Without him I have no one. 

"What did he say?" I ignore the painful way my throat tightens. 

"He said....I only have only a few months left" He whispered.

I bit my lip keeping myself from frowning but tears fall down my eyes.

"No...you have to fight. I know you can do it, you have to keep going, you can dad please just-

"It's so hard trying to live like this Hailey." He breathes heavily trying to contain his tears. "There is no fight in me to keep going" Tears sprang in his eyes. 

"You can't leave me" I cried in agony. "Not you too" My lips wobble. 

Dad grab my hand and pull me against him hugging me as I sob on his chest clinging onto my dad. 

"I love you so much" I broke into a sob.

"I love you too angel." I hear the strain way his voice broke and I knew he was crying too.