Spencer Reid One Shots

Heavy on my heart

A/N: Warning: rape (nothing detailed, but there's talk about it) Feedback would be appreciated :)

Ashley was lying in her bed in the dark, staring at the ceiling and trying to calm down her heartbeat that was way too fast. Her breathing was heavy and she had to concentrate to control herself again. It wasn't a minute ago when she woke up totally intimidated. When she finally felt a little bit better, she rolled to one side and searched for the light switch of her bedside lamp. As soon as the light turned on she started to feel a bit better. With a frustrated sigh she sat up and run a hand through her long, blonde hair. It was the same almost every night. She woke up from nightmares she couldn't control. She woke up with the feeling of fear and helplessness and it happened a lot that she cried and she wasn't even embarrassed for her tears. She was sick and tired of waking up feeling like this. She wanted to finally sleep through, at least for one night. That wasn't too much to ask for, she thought. But it seemed so indeed. She couldn't sleep one night without waking up. Too many thoughts were running through her head. Too many things had happened in the past. And Ashley still didn't have found a way to get rid of all of this. So nightmares were the result of all of this.

She got up and went to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. Some chamomile tea had always helped her to calm down a bit after such nightmares. So, a few minutes later she was sitting on the kitchen table, sipping her tea and trying to feel better again.

She was safe. There was no one out there trying to hurt her. Everything was fine. Ashley took a deep breath and finished her tea before going back to bed. The red numeric of the digital alarm clock on her bedside table showed her that it was almost 2am. She sighed. Minutes later Ashley snuggled into her pillow and blanket and closed her eyes again. She had to sleep. It wasn't like she could've stayed in bed all day the next morning. She had to get up and go to work. And she seriously needed some sleep.

It was cold and dark – the street lights didn't really do their job to lighten her way home. The silence that was surrounding Ashley let the clacking of her heels sound extremely loud in her ears. She wrapped her arms around her upper part of the body; more to feel safer than to keep her warm. „What a stupid idea it was to walk home all alone on a lonely street like this", she quietly said to herself while a weird feeling crawled up in her chest. She started to turn her head from left to right to see if there was anyone near or even following her. But she couldn't notice anyone. Anyway, Ashley walked faster; as fast as her high heels allowed to do so. And then suddenly...there was a noise. A noise she couldn't identify. She turned around to see where that noise was coming from. Although she couldn't see anything or anyone, Ashley knew, there was someone out there following her. She felt fear crawling up her chest right now and had to suppress the urge to run. She wouldn't even be able to run in those heels and it was almost December, the air was cold and so was the ground she was walking on. Putting off her shoes wouldn't be an option then. Not for her.

When would she finally arrive home? It seemed like she was walking since hours. Ashley heard the noise coming nearer and now she realized those were steps. And they got faster. Shit, shit, shit she thought while grabbing her bag tighter and searching for her pepper spray in it. Her parents had always told her to carry one around when she was out at night but she'd never had to use it so far. What if tonight would be the first time? She swallowed and the moment she turned around to see if the "invisible" person was still following her, there he was. He stood right in front of her and Ashley winced. The man, he looked middle-aged, had dark hair and ice blue eyes which were staring at her, a dirty smirk on his face. Before Ashley could use her pepper spray or even start to run, he grabbed her arm and pulled her against himself. She screamed, but immediately felt his huge hand on her mouth to shut her up. „Quiet!" he growled. And without any other word he dragged her off the main street into a side alley. Ashley knew what would happen if she wouldn't fight. And she started to do so. She scratched his face, she tried to kick him into his balls, but nothing seemed to work. He was too strong. He pressed her against a wall and pulled a knee between her legs, still holding her arms so she couldn't scratch him again. „Leave me alone! Help!" Ashley screamed in panic. But there was no one around who would've heard her screams for help and before she could try once more, the unknown guy slapped her in the face. „Shut up, you bitch!" he spit and it didn't take him much time to push up her skirt. „We're gonna have some fun now" he grinned as he started to touch her and Ashley, feeling his hand on her mouth again, closed her eyes and just wished everything would be over soon. When she suddenly felt him inside of her, everything she wanted was to die. She didn't want to feel anything anymore. No pain, no humiliation, just nothing...