Superstar // l.h

Chapter 23

It's been three weeks since I've seen or talked to my mother. Three weeks since I stormed out of her house in tears. I told Amanda everything that had happened, and she's been extremely supportive. The guys think I'm being irrational, but how was I supposed to feel? They need to see where I'm coming from. Luke's been there for me the most, and I can never thank him enough for that, although I secretly think he agrees that I'm overreacting.

"Babe you need to talk to your mom" Luke said as he walked into the living room where I was lying on the couch. "Why are you taking her side? I thought you and I were a team" I said annoyed that he would even say that.

"I'm not taking sides, I just want you to be happy. I don't want you to lose the only family you have here."
"I have nothing to say to her" I said in monotone voice. He came over and lifted my head so I was laying on him. He softly started playing with my loose hairs. "She's your mom, and I hate to tell you but you're always going to need her, no matter how much you think you don't." He did have some point. I could stay angry for the rest of my life, but that doesn't change the fact that she is my mother.

"Please. For me? I'll come with you this time, inside. If things start to go wrong then we'll leave right then and there, but please try to work this out. Everything will be okay." I thought about it for a few minutes before replying. "Promise?" He pulled me up so I was sitting on his lap and placed a sweet kiss on my nose. "I promise. I'm here for you baby, and I'm gonna be right there with you."

"Okay". I said with a small smile. "But can we go tomorrow? I want to think of what to say first."  "You'll go?" He asked surprised. Even I was surprised. I hadn't planned to speak to her for a long time, but I can't say no to Luke. I gave a small nod, making him smile. "Thank you" he said kissing my head. "I promise there's nothing to worry about".

I spent all night contemplating what I would say to my mother. What was I even supposed to say? 'Hey you lied to me about my entire life but oh that's fine'. I don't know how how Luke expected me to forgive her so quickly but I promised him I would do this. Besides she was my mother, and Luke was right. No matter how stubborn I am, I don't want to lose the only family I have.

Before I knew it we were in the car on the way to her house. Luke held my hand the entire ride over. It's almost like he could sense whenever I'm nervous or upset. I love that he knows me so well. We pulled in the driveway, and I immediately could feel a lump forming in my throat. "Ready?" Luke asked looking over at me. I took a deep breath and nodded my head.

We walked up the drive to the doorstep. I went to ring the doorbell but Luke stopped me. I looked at him confused, seeing as he was the one who made me come here. He cupped my face in his hands and gave me a quick peck. "I'm right here ok?" I could already feel tears forming in my eyes. "I can't do this" I said just above a whisper. "I know I promised you I would but I just can't."  "Yes you can baby. I love you; I promise I won't let her say anything to hurt you." I quickly got myself together and nodded. I closed my eyes and took one more deep breath before ringing the doorbell.

When the door opened, I barely recognized the stranger at the door who was my mother. Her hair was a mess, and she had bags under her eyes. She looked like she hasn't slept or showered in months. Her eyes looked also slightly puffy; like she was recently crying. I almost felt guilty for making her this way, until I remembered that I'm not the one who should feel bad. She was the reason for driving me out of her life.

"Alisa? What are you doing here?" she asked shockingly. I could smell a faint scent of alcohol off her breath. "We came to talk to you" Luke answered for me. She stepped to the side, signaling us to come in. "Can I get you something to drink? Are you hungry?" I could sense she was just as nervous as I was. "No thank you. Let's just sit."

The three of us sat at the kitchen table, Luke and I across from my mother. "I'm just making it clear, I'm not here to forgive you. I'm only here to let you explain yourself". I wanted to make sure she didn't get any wrong ideas in her head. Luke took my hand under the table and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"Alisa, I'm so sorry for keeping such a big secret from you for so long. I wanted to tell you, sweetie I did, but I was too afraid of losing another child. I couldn't-" she stopped for a moment to correct herself.

"I can't live knowing that my own daughter resents me. Alisa, you're my daughter; my baby girl. Everything I do and did is for you and your best interest. I wanted to give you your best chance and the best life possible. And I'm sorry, I'm so sorry that you had to grow up without a father. I really truly am. I need you to understand how much I love you, and that I would do absolutely anything for you. I know you said you weren't going to forgive me, even though I desperately wish you would, but I just want you know that I will always be your mother. And no matter what, no one will ever love you like I do. Not your friends, not your grandparents, not even Luke."

I didn't know how much longer I could hold back my tears. I tried to be strong, but I couldn't. Not right now. Luke was completely silent for the most part, he probably felt incredibly awkward. I sat in silence for a long time thinking over my mothers words.

"Would you excuse me for a minute". I got up and quickly ran out of the house. The minute I stepped outside, the tears started instantly streaming down my face.

I slid down the corner of the house sitting there curled up in a ball of tears. I heard the door close, which must have been Luke. Within seconds I felt a pair of warm arms wrap around me. He pulled me close, and I cried into his neck. "Shhh" he said rubbing circles on my back. "Stay strong baby girl. It's okay."  "I can't" I sobbed. "I'm sorry Luke, but I can't be strong. I can't look at her in the eyes".

"Hey, look at me" he said. "You're not alone, I'm right here. I'm going to help you through this, ok? I'm not going anywhere. You're one of the strongest girls I know, and I know you can get through anything. Now let's go back inside, and then I promise we can go alright?"

I wiped my tear stained cheeks, and nodded. He helped me get up and walked me back in the house. I honestly don't know what I would do without this boy.

My mom hadn't moved since we left. She looked at me with hopeful eyes. I took a deep breath before speaking. "Mom I don't hate you. Thank you for everything, but I think it's best of Luke and I go now". I know that's not what she was hoping to hear but right now that's what needed to be done. She sadly nodded and gave me a quick  but sentimental hug. For a second I hugged back but pulled quickly pulled away.

Luke and I arrived back at the apartment after a fairly silent car ride. We crawled into bed, cuddling in silence. "I'm proud of you" he said after a while. I placed a small kiss on his cheek before snuggling back into his chest. "I love you" I whispered. "I love you angel, always".

I truly did love Luke, but he wasn't the only person who stuck out in my heart. I meant what I told my mom; I didn't hate her. Yes I was mad, but she was my mother, and no matter what I will always love her. I couldn't stop thinking about her words "No one will ever love you like I do" Deep down, I knew she would never intentionally hurt me, though I still couldn't forgive her, at least not yet. Of course I would eventually, but in the back of my mind there was something I needed to do and I don't think I would be able to forgive her or move on from this until I did.

I needed to meet my father.

I GOT SOUNDS LIVE FEELS LIVE TICKETS IN AUGUST AND I GET TO GO TO SOUNDCHECK IM SO FREAKING EXCITED ANFNENSNDNABM!!!! 😍😍😍 Comment if you're going to a show and also what did you think of this chapter?