The Perks of Being Me (Connor Franta (O2L))

<18>

"Put your scarf around your eyes again" Ricky said, as we were about to arrive at out second destination.
"Ugh fine"
About five minutes later the car stopped and my scarf was yanked from around my head.
"Ow" I complained.
"Sorry. Just look!" He said enthusiastically.
"Woah" I looked in front of me and saw a huge building.
"Welcome to the Taco Bell headquarters" Ricky opened the door letting me in. Ricky and I took multiple pictures in front of this big screen reading 'Taco Bell welcomes Ricky and Alexa Dillon'.
Throughout the hour, we tried all these top-secret foods and we got to creat our own Taco Bell taco! It was so cool!
"Okay, now that that's over with, are you ready for our final destination?" Ricky asked.
"Lets go!"
***
"So, you know how you've always wanted a tattoo?" He asked, parking in front of a small shop.
"Oh my gosh, Ricky! Are you actually doing this for me?"
"I'm awesome, and you know it"
"Yes you are" I hugged him, laughing. We walked into the tattoo parlor and I was immediately seated to get my tattoo.
"What would you like?" A lady asked.
"May I get a music note with a little infinity sign going around it?"
"Where would you like it"
"On my wrist please"
She grabbed my left wrist and started to clean it with a wet wipe thing. Shit.
"Oh, um, not that wrist please. The other one"
"Why not this wris- oh my god" she whispered the last part. The cloth wiped off all of the make-up covering the scars on my wrist. I looked at Ricky who looked like he was going to be sick.
"I'll be right back" the lady said, leaving the room.
"Lexa. I-" Ricky choked on his words.
"I'm so sorry Ricky I-"
"How long have you been doing this?" He said softly.
I stayed silent.
"How long have you been doing this!?" He now yelled, angry.
"Three years" I mumbled.
"What?"
"Three years" I said louder.
He put his head in his hands and took staggered breaths, telling me he was crying.
"Why?" Was all he said.
"Because of everything! I've messed my life up and it was the only thing that helped me feel at least a little bit better! It just relieved me of all my pain! Do you know how many times I've cried my self to sleep?"
"Why didn't you just talk to mom and dad?!"
I just sat there for a minute and looked down.
"Because I was afraid to be left alone again" I said barely above a whisper.
"Then why didn't you talk to me?" He said a bit calmer.
"You wouldn't talk to me until about two months ago for fucks sake!"
"That doesn't matter! I'm your brother! You should've come and talked to me!"
"I'm sorry!"
"Sorry isn't good enough this time, Alexandria!"
He immediately fell silent. I got up and walked out of the shop. He got up and followed me outside. I turned around and saw him standing by his car while I was about a block up the road already.
"Lexa, I'm sorry! Where are you even going?" He yelled to me.
"Anywhere but here!"