TUMBLR ME ... J.B

thirty four

[Justin]

I sat on the ground and cried once I saw that assholes car drive off with my girl inside. I knew from the second my lips touched Selena's I was fucking up.

I didn't want Selena, I never wanted her since I met Marie. She's the reason I left Selena without a single tear.

She outweighed Selena and if I had to pick between the two I'd pick Marie every time.

She wasn't supposed to see that, I fucked up. I just, as soon as Selena's lips touched mine I saw Marie.

I felt Marie. It's all the alcohols fault. I always do dumb shit when I drink too much. I'm a fucked up idiot when I'm wasted.

I was laying on the dirty ground in fucking tears, I heard Kendall calling for me but I couldn't move. I didn't want to move for anybody except Marie.

"Justin what happened, why did Marie run off with Zayn?" My jaw twitched at the sight of her, this was her fault.

She put the idea into Marie's head.

"You did this!" I yelled backing away from her in anger, I couldn't take full blame for this. It was her fault as well as mine.

"What are you talking about Justin? What the fuck? You're drunk"

I laughed knowing she was damn right. She tried reaching for me again but I move back even more.

My face hardened again. I remember It's her fault my princess hates me.

"You told her what I told you, I told you I fucking loved her so you told her!" I screamed, telling the world about my secret.

She wasn't supposed to find out until I found the right time and knew she felt the same way. Now she just hates me.

The only person I'd told this secret was Kendall, she's my best friend next to Marie. I couldn't exactly tell Marie that I loved Marie

In a different way that is, not that best friend only shit, deep down it never was only the best friend zone. It was something more for me.

Fuck,

I couldn't help it. At first I knew it was wrong to feel that way for her. I told myself over and over again, she's just my best friend. I can't love her in those ways.

But mom told me when I was younger "every lasting marriage starts with a friendship"

She was that girl, she's the one mom told me to protect and love with everything I had in me.

She's the one.

I couldn't help but muster up the worst case scenarios in my head, what if she hates me? Well, from what I remember she said that she hated me twice tonight.

What if she never speaks to me again and changes all her contact details so I can never get in contact with her again?

Like I said, my head was coming up with crazy ideas making me go insane.