Secrets of Adeline (Book 2)

Chapter 12: Scale

     Remember when I said, "I could get used to this"... Well I didn't. It was late afternoon, we were all lounged around the hotel when Beatrice's phone rang.

     The buzzing vibrated the table and echoed to my ears. Beatrice flicked her finger across her phone, answering the call. "Hello?" She answered. She was smiling at first, but by time the call was over, she was fighting tears. "Okay." Her voice cracked. She clicked her phone off in dismay, wiping at her flushed cheeks.

I rushed to her side, placing my hand on her trembling back. I felt her uneasy breaths. "Is everything okay?" I bit my lip with sympathy. "No. My grandma died. She's dead." She spoke through tears. I heard the pain in her voice. "I'm sorry." I whispered. "It's fine." She gulped. Kat went from laughing and smiling with Cody to slumping her shoulders and resting her saddening face on Cody's chest. Cody, now frowning, petted Kat's hair trying to make her feel better. Malory was now at Beatrice's side as well, along with Paris and Jessica. All of us, trying to cheer her up even just a little bit.

Eventually, her tears stopped and we all decided to take the next flight home. The next flight was in 5 hours. "I need to go take a breath." I nodded towards the door, leaving Malory, Jessica and Paris to take care of Beatrice. All good things come to an end, I remember.

Things were good. Really good. But at some point, the scale has to tip one way or the other. It can't be set perfectly still in the middle forever. And here we were, tipping, preparing for a crash landing. My stomach felt queasy. I felt my mouth watering, a lump in my throat started to form. I choked it down, sliding down to my knees on the balcony. I gripped my thighs, processing what had happened. Poor Beatrice.

Burying my face in my hands, I blocked out the pounding in my head. I heard someone take a seat next to me. I looked up, still ignoring the low thumps coming from my head. It was Kat. "Hey." She whispered faintly. "Hi." I nodded in return. "Come on, let's go on a walk." She helped me to my feet.

I just wanted to be happy. Kat could see, how hard it was. How hard I was trying. Trying to hold everything together. To just be happy.

Kat and I exited the hotel, now walking down the sidewalk. Large stars printed out celebrity names. We were on the walk of fame. Herds of people walked down the streets, the roads busy with cars. Kat and I walked for a while, silent mostly. We stopped on a bench and took a seat. "Are you okay?" She asked me. "Yes." I assured her. "I'm going to believe you. Only because at one time I didn't and it's different now." She spoke quietly. "What do you mean?" I asked, biting my lip. "I knew you weren't okay for a while. I knew you weren't doing too good." She shook her head with concern. I nodded, leaving her gaze. "You have to tell me these things, Adeline." She looked hurt.

A pang of anger swelled up in my chest. "Fine. You want me to tell you? I was depressed. I was depressed for a long time. I'd never hurt myself, I'm totally against that crap. But I was hurting without a choice. Everything was piled up. I got lost, felt numb. I felt nothing. Nothing. All I had was a wall. A wall blocking everything from me because it was too hard to face the demons behind it. I wanted so badly to just give up, but I didn't. I kept going because I seen how you look at me. How all of you look at me like I'm supposed to make the moves, like I'm supposed to lead the way. I realized that I couldn't show you guys what to do if I was lost. I realized that I should stop letting my problems take over if I have to help you guys with yours. And honestly, I was sick of being lost. Sick of being stuck. Sick of being in pain, fear, anger, sadness. I just wanted to be happy. So I got out. Not only for you guys, but for myself. It doesn't matter what I felt, it's gone. I don't want you to get lost trying to find me, I didn't want to be the leader that brought you all down with me. I'm okay now and that's all that matters." I was in tears now, sobbing quietly. "Why didn't you just tell me? I could have helped." Kat looked hurt, fighting tears. "No. You couldn't have. The only person who could help me, was myself. I was scared. Scared of what you all would say if you found out that the person you look to lead you was pathetic enough to be depressed." I admitted quietly, curling my knees to my chest. "It still would have been nice to know." Kat mumbled. "Okay. fine. I should've told you. But I didn't and it's over now. I'm okay now." I gulped, wiping my warm cheeks. My sleeve was now damp from tears. My hands gripped the bench, knuckles turning pale white. I swallowed hard, choking it all down one last time. Stiffening my slumped shoulders, I smiled. "I'm okay, and that I promise." I nodded to her. "How are you so strong? How do you do it?" Kat wiped her cheeks as well. "Me? I am far from strong. I just have a sense of immunity I have learned to use to my advantage." I straightened my pose. "I envy you." Kat looked at me wide eyed. I was taken back by what she had just said. I hesitated but spoke, "I'm nothing you should envy." I shook my head and started back to the hotel. Kat followed my side. "Well I do. I always have." She admitted. "Not a wise choice." I shrugged. I couldn't understand why she would envy me, and I probably never will.