Secrets of Adeline (Book 2)

Chapter 42: Mourning

My ears rung as the water lessened, my hand turning the knob. Still clothed, I felt the water droplets running down my face. I couldn't tell if I was crying at that point, I was numb from head to toe. Regaining feeling, I step out of the shower. I meet eye contact with myself in the mirror.

Picture the most terrible thing you possibly can, that was what I looked like at that point, only worse. Hours had gone by, the water had lost all warmth to the point where it was almost freezing, otherwise I wouldn't have gotten out. My usual peachy skin was a paler, saddened version of my own. My cheekbones sticking out with remorse, the bags under my eyes deepened with a darker shade. My brown eyes seemed duller than before. My moist lips were quivering as I glanced at my bloodshot eyes.

I slowly removed the drenched clothes, hearing the sirens still down the street just outside my window. They had already taken his body, wrapped in one of those bags just before putting his lifeless corpse into the ambulance. His blood forever stained into my clothes, his last moments flashed before my eyes. I shoved on his sweatshirt he had given me, pulling on a pair of shorts and tying my hair off into a pony tail.

I smelled his cologne still etched into the fabric of the clothe as I crumbled into my bed. Bringing my knees to my chest, I sobbed into my pillow. Pulling my hands back, I began striking at the mattress, screaming at the top of my lungs. I rolled out of bed, directly in front of my nightstand. All of my picture frames and trinkets lay neatly across its surface. Tears fogging my vision, I slammed my hands down, flinging everything at the wall. The sound of shattering glass filled the room just before my bedroom door flung open.

     My father ran to me, I crashed into his arms. "What's wrong, sweetie? Are you okay?" He panicked sympathetically. "Jake Waters is dead." I sob into his shoulder. He gasped, rubbing my back as he shook his head. "I'm so sorry, it's gonna be okay. Calm down, it's gonna be okay." He whispered in my ear. He comforted me for hours, before falling asleep. I stare at the ceiling for the rest of the night, the sun coming up quickly.

     My father snoring beside me, I carefully crept out of bed. I found myself slipping on a pair of sneakers and exiting my front door. I began walking down the sidewalk, towards Jake's house. The sun burned at my reddened eyes, I squinted as the tears blurred my view. I passed the caution tape, the crime scene almost fully clear. All that was left was a few pieces of scrap metal that had fallen off of the truck and a few blood splatters. My eyes met with the place where his body had once been, my hand covering my mouth as I shook my head. Tears rushed down my cheeks as I walked up his porch steps. My hands stopped midway, I hesitated before knocking.

I imagined being greeted by his sweet smile, his bright brown eyes meeting mine before he opened the door. I imagined his tan skin being covered with the the sunlight, before he wrapped his strong arms around me, welcoming me back home and safe with him. The familiar feeling of him caused a sharp pain to shoot through my chest. He vanished within an instant once my hands met with the door. I tapped my knuckles softly, before his mother greeted me. Her eyes swollen, she creaked open the door. "Adeline." Her smile quivered.

"Look, I know it's not the best time for me to come. I know, I just I have to apologize. I'm so sorry, this is all of my fault. I can't even bear looking myself in the mirror. I'm a monster, it's my fault he's dead. I'm so terribly sorry, I don't know what to do I'm just going crazy just thinking about how bad of a person I am. I killed him, I killed him and I loved him." My voice trembled as tears rushed out of my puffy eyes. She shushed me, pulling me in for a hug. "Oh, sweetie. None of this is your fault, okay? Don't you ever think that. Never, ever." She sobbed into my shoulder. I felt my tears drenching her shirt before we let go of each other. She handed me a tissue, right before her eyes met mine again. "He was so in love with you, Adeline. He loved you so much, you have no idea. This is not your fault, okay? And I know it may seem hard to believe, but I mean it. You meant the world to him, he was trying so hard to change his ways so he could be with you. He never stopped talking about you, don't ever blame yourself for what happened." Tears rushed down her puffy cheeks as she blew her nose. I dabbed my tears away with his sleeve, still clenching the tissue in my fingers. "May I..." I trail off before nodding to his bedroom. "Of course, take all the time you need." She croaked, nodding to me. I swallowed hard, sniffling as I shuffled over to his bedroom.

     I shut the door behind me, stopping in his doorway. My eyes closed slightly, I breathed in. It smelled like him. A feeling of relief washed over me before I opened my eyes. Scanning the room, everything was how he had left it. Dirty clothes scattered across his floor, his bed still unmade. A bottle of his cologne sat at the edge of his dresser, the cap resting beside it. A row of his trophies were lined neatly beside the cologne, his football jersey hanging on the edge. Dropping the tissue, I wrapped my hands around the jerseys silky fabric. Also grabbing the cologne, I shoved it into the pocket of his sweater and draped his jersey over my shoulder.

     I traced his bed sheet with my fingers, sitting down silently. I stared for a few moments, drifting off to space. Blinking to regain consciousness, I shook the grogginess away. "Jake, I don't know if your here or if you can hear me or where you are, but I have some things I didn't get to say. I forgive you, I don't care what you did. It doesn't matter, not anymore. I wanted to say I'm so terribly sorry and I'm never going to forgive myself, it's all my fault your gone. I should've forgiven you on the spot, this never would have happened. I should have let you explain before I charged into traffic. Sure you messed up, but Jake... You were still a really good guy. I loved you, I was in love with you. I still am and I still can't accept that your just gone. What am I gonna do? Who's gonna rescue me in the pouring rain now? Who's gonna tell me it's okay? I need you here Jake. I need you so much, and this hurts so bad. I don't want to say goodbye, I'm so sorry, I'm so terribly terribly sorry. This is all my fault and you didn't deserve this." I wheezed before crashing onto my back. "I hope your unbelievably happy, and now it's your turn to forgive me." I laugh through my tears, feeling as if I were really talking to him. "I really did and somehow still do love you, Jake. I love you, I'm sorry that this happened. You didn't deserve it." I break down more, the tears rushing down my cheeks as I lose the words I had to speak and the train of thought to think. Curling into a ball once more, I clench my fists tightly into his bed sheets, reaching for his favorite pillow and wrapping my arms around it tightly. Tears soaked the pillowcase, my "I'm sorry's" slowly drifting out of my mumbling mouth.

A warm breeze rushed down my back, birds chirping from outside his window. I rolled over and stared at the soft blue sky. A sudden wave of relief washed over me once more, my hand growing warm and tingly. It was almost as if he were here with me, holding my hand one last time. I sighed with relief, sleep only moments away. "Goodbye, Jake. I love you." I whispered softly before drifting off to sleep, the smell of his cologne burning into my nose.