Tower Over Me (Waycest)

Chapter 12: Run Until You Hit A Wall

Mikey's POV

I look down at my phone to see that it is 12:46. The day was dragging by so slowly and I was eager to go see Emerson and learn more about him.

Now that everything with me and Gerard is somehow falling into place I really have to be perfect, for him. I feel sadness settle inside me, relapse is so awful, it feels so ugly and disgusting.

I walk in and see that Gerard is not laying on the couch anymore and there is a pot of coffee halfway made.

He must have woken up when I had gone outside, he was probably taking a little time to himself.

I sit down on the couch in the dimly lit living room and pulled out my phone.

Frank had told me yesterday to text him if anything went wrong, and currently I feel very wrong. I want more insight on all of this between me and Gerard, when did he start liking me?

How did this all happen so fast?

So you wake up one day and you're brother gives you a hard on, then four years later you wake up on another day with an eating disorder and he's professing his fucking love to you in the  basement which is his currently his bedroom. 

Outgoing Message To Frank:

Hey it's me Mikey, me and Gee are okay. I just want to know a few things about all of this, when did you find out?

It feels strange to talk to Frank without Gerard. Me and Frank used to hang out one on one all of the time.

Gerard would be off doing "private art stuff" (aka drugs) and Frank would come sit in the room and show me stuff on the guitar. 

Gerard and I still shared a room back then, it was before they officially started dating.

It was so obvious they had been fucking long before they called it "dating" something about Gee not being able to accept that he was gay, he tried to call it experimenting but Frank wasn't down for that.

Anyone with ears knew that Gerard and Frank loved touching each other, and Frank especially loved it when Gerard touched him.

He was very shameless with his pleasure and no one really ever mentioned it. Small man, big intimidation skills.

I don't blame Frank and Gerard for being so loud back then, although it kind of ripped me up inside because I had never loved anyone besides Gerard Way, my older brother.

Gerard was seventeen, his parents roll in his life dramatically halted one after the other, and suddenly he had the whole house to himself every night, and the only burden he had to prevent wild house parties was me, the little brother.

In my freshman year Gerard did have a lot of parties in the home, he was a junior by that time and he was heavily addicted to cocaine.

I learned how to starve myself in that period of time, and I was only displayed  then as the heart throb couples little lonely brother. 

Then it all ended, like he had to protect me from everything when I got sent away.

I mean I would have taken advantage of the period of time personally, but I wasn't invested in relationships at all.

I had fucked, but I wasn't into the girls at all, and no men have ever touched me besides Emerson and Gerard.

These past two days have been the most physical for me in a long time. 

I wonder if Gee knows that.

My  phone starts ringing and I look down to see that it's Frank calling.

I guess he has a lot to say, I answer it and quickly head back out onto the deck.  

"Hey kid," Frank sounds tired and stressed, I feel bad for him, he must hate me right now.

"H-hey," I almost feel terrible for calling, I was probably the last person he wanted to be talking to, especially about this. I ruined his relationship without trying.

Well, there was a solid year that I honestly threw in everything I had to get Gerard's attention, including being very loud in my private time.

I guess it worked, but that was the last year me and him were extremely close, other things came up and kind of tossed that dream to the side.

"I think Gee has liked you for many years, but uh.. I think it became more of an issue for him after your father passed away. That's when he became the most distant from me which was expected, but he was distant because he was watching you so carefully. He knew all about you're eating disorder, I found papers and papers of things he wrote about you expressing his concern, very detailed things. You had no idea, you were growing away from him, and he eventually figured you wanted nothing to do with him so he asked me to come help him move his things to the basement. At that time I still had no idea of any feelings he had for you but it was very obvious to me that m-my.. well who I thought was my soulmate had eyes for someone else. I just didn't want to believe it was you." 

I stay silent for a few moments and I guess he takes that as instructions to continue talking

"I was uhh.. going down on him yesterday morning, and he was just so distracted. So, I just came out and confronted him. He fought telling me, broke an ashtray, screamed, swore up and down he was disgusting. This is all very sensitive for him, that's why I'm keeping my distance but uh tonight I'll be there."

I smile, this was all very personal for Frank.

Although I was extremely flattered by the story he had told, I still felt terrible for how it all played out for him.

I used to think Frank was so lucky, but man, it's almost like me and him are completely switching spots for no good reason other than the fact that Gerard snapped his fingers and said, "Jump Boys."

Like always, he pretended to be so unaware that he was charming enough to take control of anyone if he plaid his cards correctly.

"Yeah. I'm really really sorry about all of this Frank." He's quiet for a moment, just before  I can reluctantly hang up, he speaks again.

"Do y-you like him? You know, l-like that?" I feel like a fifth grader, like this was all playground talk, not something serious that I was facing in my senior year. 

"Yeah, I really really do,"

Frank laughs and curses on the other end, "Fuck, I knew it." His tone is light but almost sounds pained beneath the disguises.

"It's not your fault Mikey." He says and then the line goes dead.

I look at my phone for a minute and then set it down on my leg staring at the small patch of woods behind the house.