If you get the chapter title reference I love you.
Gerard's POV
When I wake up my head is pounding. It's about one in the afternoon and even sitting up makes me groan. My stomach burns as if the lining of my stomach was giving away, I can tell I'm about to vomit. I pull myself out of bed and dart up the stairs as quickly as I can. I make it to the bathroom just in time.
Dropping to my knees and releasing the sour tasting bile as I fight to keep my hair away from the mess. Another reason I had decided to quit drinking a few months ago was this fucking morning sickness.
When I'm finally done I lean back against the wall and lean my head into my palms, letting out a sigh. I can't let my life fall apart again. I have all this stuff going for me right now.
Most people wouldn't be concerned about losing control over their life after one night of drinking, but I know myself, I always take it too far.
I think about Mikey. How I haven't heard his voice in four days and how I'm losing my mind. I don't know if I'm gonna make it through these next few weeks stable. It's so hard being in this house all alone, there's no sounds, no laughter, no footsteps.
It's just me
and I fucking hate me.
I eventually gather up enough energy to pull myself off the floor and take a shower. After coffee, a few cigarettes, and sitting in front of my computer revising structure for the comic over email my phone rings with a number I didn't recognize.
I stare at it for a moment and decide the chance of it being Mikey is too great to decline the call. I answer it and nearly burst into tears as the automated voice rang out.
"This Is Oak Grove Treatment Centers, remain on the line to speak to the patient attempting to contact you. Be aware that your call will be recorded and reviewed if needed."
There's a short silence and then I hear a sniffle. "Mikey?" I ask biting my lip and there's another sniffle. "Y-yeah," He says, I can tell he's crying. I start crying as well. "I've been dying to hear your voice Mikey," I say shaking my head and looking down at my lap.
"I know," He says and then falls quiet for a few more seconds. "How is it?" I ask through small whimpers. "It's not that bad actually. Someone p-passed away last night." My stomach ties into knots. "Are you okay?"
"I am. I promise." He says and I feel slightly less sick to my stomach. I'm overwhelmed with happiness at hearing his voice but I know it'll end soon. "I'll call you around this time everyday until I move out of this section," he says and I nod as if he can see me.
"When I get to section C, you'll be able to come visit me. Please tell me you'll come see me?" He asks as if I could ever say no. "I promise Mikey." There's a brief silence and I can hear someone telling him his time is almost up on the phone.
"I have to go now but I needed to ask you something."
"What is it?"
"Promise me you won't start drinking while I'm gone." I bite my lip and glance over at the half empty whisky bottle still on my nightstand. "Yeah. I promise."
He and I can both tell it's a somewhat empty promise. "Bye Gerard, I love you."
"I love you too. So much. So fucking much." He sniffles and then the line cuts to a dial tone.
"This is Oak Grove Treatment Centers, Your Caller Has Disconnected, if you would like to take a survey about the quality of your call please remain on the line."
I groan and end the call, looking around the room and letting out a slow sigh. I think about the phone call, how I had promised Mikey I wouldn't start drinking again. Guiltily I reach over and pick up the whisky bottle from the previous night.
I stare down at it feeling a bit sick to my stomach remembering the vomiting episode this morning.
"Fuck you!" I shout at it as if it would respond in some way before throwing it as hard as I can at my wall. It shatters, sending shards of glass across the floor. Since this was meant to be a basement instead of a room, the walls are faded bricks and no damage is done to them other than them glistening with whisky.
I stand up and stare at the wall for a moment or two. "No fucking way," I state again as if the mess was going to react. I should really go out, except without Frank, I don't know where to go, or who would be there. He was the little social butterfly that got me through highschool, and without him all my friends seem more like..peers.
We wouldn't have anything to talk about without the short man between us bantering about something he had experienced or thought of.
Without him, I'm just a pathetic fuck in his moms basement talking to a mess.
Why did I ever think this was going to work? Why did I think I'd be okay without him? Why did everything have to fall apart? Is this punishment because the way I feel is twisted?
I head back up stairs and get the broom. After cleaning up the glass, I cleaned my room, and then the living room, and the kitchen, and the bathroom. I cleaned the entire house as if I had just done meth.
It wasn't drugs that made me do it. It was guilt. Guilt for not being a better parental figure to Mikey, for not giving him a clean house to live in, for not keeping an eye on him and making sure he ate every morning and every night.
I have to make sure that when he comes home, he feels safe, and loved.
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Tower Over Me (Waycest)
Fanfiction(BEING EDITED AS OF 11/06/17) When Gerard admits his feelings to his younger brother things become to overwhelming and cause Mikey's eating disorder to flare up. Gerard ruins a perfectly good relationship with Frank for his little brother who's con...
