Tower Over Me (Waycest)

Chapter 34: At Another Time

Mikey's POV

Gerard reaches out for me and I push his hand away. I hope he doesn't take offense to it, I hadn't meant it in a rude way.

"I need a cigarette," I mutter climbing out of the bed as fast as I can, rushing up the creaky steps. Im so ashamed with every noise the wood emits as I make my somewhat dramatic exit.

I shouldn't be rushing out on Gee like this. I should be letting him rip all of my clothes off, it's all I ever told myself I wanted. I was never supposed to start starving myself again. That was so wrong of me.

I walk out the back door into the dark and sigh. I keep making myself look like such an idiot, it just happens and I can't make myself shut up and just be normal.

It's like I'm just walking around confused and acting so self destructive, and then there's moments of clarity. The clarity is so painful, and it should be beautiful. All it means when I think straight is that I'll realize I've fucked everything up again, and then I cry, and I ruin everything some more.

How could anyone love me? How could I be worth anything to anyone? Why am I even alive?

I feel a few tears roll down my face and I shudder. I hear the back door open and Gerard steps out. I don't ask him to go away, and I keep my eyes on him as he walks over to me and takes my hands. "What's going on?"

I feel my heart turn a little, I know I can't tell him everything, but I can open up a little.

"I feel like I'm losing control of my life." I say quickly, my voice cracks, and I start crying a little harder, but I don't let myself look away from Gerard. "Is it because everything's moving so fast? Are you overwhelmed?"

I let out a scoff, "Oh God yes, but that's not the problem. I've done nothing but wander in and out of this house and school, I love that I have this relationship, and that me and you can talk. I just keep making mistakes, and I'm ruining everything." I say shaking my head, I feel so dumb.

I can't explain what's going on, I'm just hurt, and I want to cry, but I should be so happy right now. I should be having one of the best nights of my life, my little dreams are coming true, and I'm standing here crying like a child.

"You haven't ruined anything Mikey," I laugh and tears roll down my face at a steady pace, I sniffle and try to pull my hands from Gerard's but he doesn't left me. "No, seriously Mikey. You're amazing, you're so nice, you're so fucking strong, you've been holding on so tightly for years, and for a really long time you had no reason to but you did."

I look down at the ground, I can't look at Gerard. His eyes were tearing up again, and I can't believe I had made him cry with my dumb little problems. "Look, I can't make you believe what you're worth, but oh God Mikes, you're worth so much."

He pulls my hand up to his mouth and I look up at him as he turns it over and presses a small kiss against my wrist. I had never cut myself, but I had self harmed before, and it meant just as much.

"I've been where you're at before. I was seventeen once too, and it fucking sucked. It gets so much better though, you're right on the edge. You've made it through the hardest part you'll have to see for a while, from here, until about twenty, you're going to have a great time."

I smile at him, I don't feel much better, but I no longer feel trapped. I feel like Gee broke the glass a little and reached in, and sometimes, just having someone to hold your hand, is enough.

I give him a tight hug, and he presses a small kiss against the side of my head. "You're already a little better off than you were a few days ago. I'm here now, isn't that good?" I nod and he leads me back inside. "Wanna watch a movie or something?" I nod my head and smile.