this is everything i didn't say

twenty-six

 i'm pretending i don't miss you

 and from what i've been told, you're pretending you don't miss me

 so we're both not talking and pretending we don't miss each other but progress report: i am missing you to death

 we don't really talk anymore but we feel like if we say a few words every so often, we can pretend, at least for a moment, that everything's fine again. we can pretend that nothing ever happened and pretend there was nothing ever between us but we both know we're wrong

 because we'll always go back to not speaking again and living our lives without each other and how long is this going to go on? will we still do this as adults, still text 'hi' or 'how are you' from time to time just because we're terrified of completely losing each other? scared that if we don't do that we'll never talk again and everything will just be  g o n e ?

 maybe that's not even how you feel. maybe you're fine without me

 but just so you know, i still miss you