this is everything i didn't say

forty-seven

i have learned by trial and error to keep my mouth shut
do not talk about your interests
do not overflow with passion and excitement when you love something
keep quiet because no one cares

you ask me why i don't talk to you about things in my life and that's because you're the one who taught me to keep silent. you're the reason i learned that nobody wants to hear me talk about what i love and that doing so will only get it taken away from me. you would deny this, but it's true.

someone else taught me that if you talk about what you love, they will leave. and maybe that's because when you spend so much time holding it in and pressing it down, when you finally find someone to love that part of you, you get a little too excited
and all at once you tell them everything
but they don't care, do they? i'm searching for someone that i won't ever find, and that's someone who lets me talk without worrying that i love something too much and it will push them away
until then i keep silent