"and i've always said that you can never be more afraid of anything than yourself
because you can only run away from what's on the outside
and after i got on that ride, i rethought that
was that more terrifying?
was it scarier than the screaming that had been in my own head that day?
and i decided it wasn't, that nothing could top the horrible fear of myself, not even free-falling thirty-five stories facing the ground on a ride
after i got off, my dad looked at me like i was crazy
my parents said that i must have a deathwish
and i laughed and said it was all about the adrenaline, because i don't, do i?
don't i?
the maybes are adding up too fast and maybe i'm not as scared of things as i should be anymore, because i said i'd get back on that ride one day but i didn't ever say that about the rollercoaster in my brain
when i was on that ride, when i reached the top and stared down, facing the ground, it felt as if i was staring death in the face
and i had the strangest moment of clarity
the most terrifying calm
and i did not allow myself to feed into the fear and i only looked down and accepted the impending fall
but i can't help but believe i was more calm than i should've been
the fear i felt cannot be compared to the fear of what i can do because there is no calm or clarity there, only chaos
these serotonin smiles are nothing but synthetic and all i fear are my own two hands"
calm before the storm//k.
YOU ARE READING
this is everything i didn't say
Poetryand then there was one //if you know me, please ask before reading this, it's very personal
