Crossed Lines

27.

I'm extremely excited. Not only would this be an amazing experience, it would also be a well-needed rest from the constant drama around my relationship with Zayn. Not to mention the good that could come out of it. It feels wrong to leave while things are this rocky between me and Zayn, but our issues would either have to be resolved before I leave or put on hold. Either way, I'm going to LA.

I'm on cloud nine the whole day and the day passes quickly as I'm swamped by clients and paperwork. Before I know I'm with Cate on our way to the apartment. We get home, undress and we start cooking, soon we're sitting on the table, eating.

"Guess what?" I ask her excitedly?
"You finally did the deed with Mr. Hunk?" I give her a blank stare. "You're pregnant. Oh my gosh you are!"

"What the hell is wrong you?" I can't help but laugh. "No to both of those things. Good heavens." She shrugs with a sly smile.

"Okay out with it"
"I'm heading to LA in a few days for research training of some sort." I squeal. She jumps up from the chair, hugging me tightly.

"Aw. Congrats babe. For how long?"

"More or less three weeks."

"I'm so proud of you hun. Did you tell your Parents or Mr. hunk yet?"

"Thank you. No I'll do it after dinner."

"What?" she asks and I realize I was pulling a face.

"I almost told Zayn I loved him." The silence is deafening. She blinks. Twice then looks around the apartment.

"Guys, you can come out now." she screams out and I'm left confused. "Which one is it? Is it Punked?" stupid girl. I give her a blank stare and she realizes I'm actually serious. "Oh my gosh! Are you sure I mean you have never, and I mean never said that to any guy before." I sigh.
"I know." I answer defeated. She looks sympathetically at me.

"Hun are you sure, I mean it's only been about three months since you've known him. I mean you didn't even tell Dan you loved him, and you guys dated like a year."

"I didn't tell him- I almost did. I don't know if I really do or not but it feels like it. I never even thought about it, then suddenly I almost blab it to him."

"Wow. So you're serious about him, aren't you?" honestly I feel so vulnerable. Me admitting to Zayn or myself that I love him, feels like I'm giving him permission to break my heart. It feels like I'm giving him the dagger to cut through my heart and soul if he pleases. It feels like I'm surrendering everything to him. Waiting for the moment he's finally done tearing me apart.

"Just be careful. Don't take this the wrong way but you don't love easily, and for you to have fallen so quickly for him is nothing, if not shocking. Don't rush into things, give yourself and the relationship time to grow first."

"I don't think love him. I thought so. I don't know how I feel. But yeah, thanks hun." I'm over this conversation.

"Okay. When you finally realize or admit to yourself that you do actually love him, I'll be here. Even when you mess up. Don't deprive yourself of love just because of what happened. They wouldn't want to see you this way." I feel tears coming on but I push them away.

"Okay thanks for the chat. I'm heading to bed." I give her a hug and head to my room.

I call my parents and inform them, they're proud and excited and I take the opportunity to catch up with them. We talk about what we've been up to, my mom shares some gossip, my dad complaints about the same things. They haven't changed a bit. I vaguely mention Zayn to them and as always they're a bit skeptical, but like everyone else, I decide to ignore their warnings. We talk for about an hour before I decide to call Zayn.