Crossed Lines

47.

I ran to the bathroom but that didn't help me with anything so now I'm laying on his bed, trying to calm myself down. Dammit, once again I've showed him how much power he has over me. I shouldn't have come here.

Zayn has been knocking for about five minutes, asking me to open up and apologizing but I ignore him the whole time. After a few seconds I hear the door opening. Of course he has a key to his own damn room. I couldn't care less how childish I'm being right now. I hear the door closing and soon I feel him sitting next to me at the edge of the bed. I'm looking at his side. I refuse to look at his face. He tries to put his hand on my cheek but I pull away. He sighs.

"Look I'm sorry." I can feel him staring at me. "Please look at me." he asks but I can't. "You know how I feel about you."

"No. I really don't." I say softly. He climbs on the bed. He lays down next to me and he laces our fingers together.

"You're very important to me. I have strong feelings for you and it's not easy trying to ignore them. I can't forget about you. I tried and I can't. I don't show it but you hurt me too. How do you think I feel about the fact that you left me without a second thought?"

"I did it for a reason though."

"I feel like you're paranoid about the fact that we were in an interracial relationship and it bothers you and you're using other people as an excuse not to deal with it."

"I'm not Zayn. Have you not been looking at social media or even your own parents?"

"I keep telling you that there are only two people in a relationship. Stop looking for outside acceptance, shouldn't we be enough for one another, or is other people's approval more important? There are always going to be people who will be racist or people who hate us, we just have to learn to live with it."

"I know but I feel as though you're not taking it as seriously as you should."

"You're taking it too seriously. There will always be problems, whether you were white, blue, brown or pink. I didn't want to make it into something way bigger than it actually is."

"No but when I needed you to be there for me and to stand up for our relationship, you never did. And that hurt more than anyone's disapproval ever could."

"I did. Just because you don't see me do something, doesn't mean I don't actually do it. I'm sorry that I hurt you. It kills me to know that I caused your hurt and tears. Hurting you is the last thing I want to do."

"I'll admit my faults in this relationship. I haven't made it easy I know, and I'm sorry for that. You hurt me more than anything Zayn."

"I'm sorry." He says softly. He pulls me against him and I cuddle up to him. "Well this hasn't been easy for me either. Have you stopped to think about how I feel?"

"I guess not. You're were always so closed off."

"No you are closed off Mel. I still don't know some things about you, you try to hide your feelings and I have a hard time figuring you out."

"Things like what?"

"Maybe tell me why you always try to avoid the topic of your family." I freeze. I did not expect him to say that at all. I didn't even know he noticed.

"It's just not something I want to publish to the world Zayn."

"Do you expect this relationship to work when you're hiding secrets?"

"I'm not hiding anything, it's just not something I want to talk about. I don't want things to change...ok look I just need time when it comes to certain things."