Crossed Lines

40.

I don't exactly remember how or when I got to the apartment. All I know is I ended up sitting on our couch with a half empty wine bottle. I think I've been staring at the wall for hours. Refusing to feel anything. Nothing has sunk in yet and somewhere my brain still believes I'm a relationship.

I'm so stupid.

How could I have not seen this coming? I mean he did warn me the first time. And what did I do? Fell head first. I learned something though, I learned that when someone shows you that they don't care, they really don't. I can't believe I let a man hurt me like this. The one thing I swore would never happen to me.

I gulp down the last bit of wine in my glass. The urge to cry surfaces and I push it down with another gulp. I will not cry about him. He doesn't deserve my tears. He never cared about me, so why should I care about him. But it's never that easy is it? You can't just decide to stop caring about someone. You can't un-fall for someone. The feelings don't just go away when you want them to, in fact I think they get worse. The more you try to push them down, the more they resurface.

My heart is beating so fast; I think it might explode. Not wanting to think about it, I decide to go to bed. I strip until I'm only left in my underwear. My phone rings and I see Zayn's number flashing on the screen. My heart is screaming at me to answer. I actually move to do so until today's events flash in my brain. With a heavy hand, I drop the phone on the bed. I throw myself next and I start to doze off until Zayn calls again. this time I end the call. Get the freaking message. He sends a few texts but I finally fall asleep without reading any of them.

"Hey hun." Cate's voice makes me up and if I was fully awake, I would slap the living hell out of her. I groan and she walks over to my window to open my curtains. "Got you some water and pills." At this point I know she won't give up. so it's best if I just wake up. I finally sit up against the headboard. I drink the water and the pills. My head is proof of the amount of wine I had yesterday. And it's not good.

"Thanks." I croak out. Putting the glass on the nightstand. "didn't you go to work?" I ask her.

"Nope. I'm off today." She sits at my feet and she pats my knees. "You okay?"

"Uh yeah." Yesterday's events making a quick return. She gives me look then moves over to give me a tight hug. I sniff and my throat closes.

"Don't hide your feelings for me hun. You don't need to be strong when you're with me." she rubs my back and I hold her tighter. "Let it out."

"I was so stupid." I find it so hard to actually let the words out. My voice shakes a little bit. "I should've listened to you." I admit. She did warn me but like everything else, I ignored her. Now look where that's gotten me.

"Hey no. it's okay." She rubs my back affectionately. "want to talk about it?" I shake my head no. I don't even want to think about him right now. "When you're ready, I'll be here okay?"

"Thanks." I sigh and I stand up. she leaves my room and I follow her out. I take a long shower before heading to the kitchen. When I look at the coffee table, the wine bottle and wineglass is missing. Cate probably put it away. I find that Cate has already started the coffee machine. I sit down at the table as I wait for the coffee. She looks at me with a thoughtful expression and I return it with a blank stare.

"What did he do to you?" she sighs. "I can't even remember the last time you looked like this." I furrow my eyebrows at her.

"Thanks." I say sarcastically.

"That's not what I meant." She rolls her eyes. "I mean, you almost drank a whole wine bottle by yourself in one night. It must've been pretty rough."