Crossed Lines

43.

Please say something.

Please tell me that I'm wrong.

Please come back.

I'm screaming at his retreating back, but not a sound is coming out. I wish he would turn around and convince me to stay. But I say nothing and he walks away. He's doesn't even turn around. Once he's out of sight, I collapse on the couch. I thought I was doing the right thing but now it feels like I made the biggest mistake of my life.

I'm aware that I'm staring at the door, waiting for him to come back somehow. He doesn't and I feel once again stupid. Why do I do this to myself. He just left and I miss him already. I can't help but wish we didn't come back earlier from our night out. I was feeling a bit down after a while and while we exchanged numbers with those men, I still couldn't stop thinking about Zayn, so I decided to come back home, I told Cate to stay but she refused. If we didn't come back earlier, I wouldn't have seen Zayn and the breakup wouldn't have been official, well not tonight anyway.

But it is and I have to deal with it.

My eyes are swollen and my head is starting to hurt. I lock myself in my room after getting a cup of water. I vaguely hear Cate and who I'm guessing is Trevor enter the apartment. I just want to sleep and forget of everything that happened. After a few minutes of hush conversation there's a knock on the door. I ignore it and Cate says something through the door but I hardly hear her, until she talks again.

"Hun are you okay in there?"

"I'm fine." No I'm not. I'm far from it.

"You need anything?"

"No." I need him.

She leaves after a quick goodnight. I hear her giggling and her door shut and my interest in piqued. I never heard the front door opening or closing again. Is Trevor in her room? I'm super socked but I'm happy for my friend either way. This would've gotten a bigger reaction out of me if I didn't feel so empty. If I didn't feel like a just made the biggest mistake of my life.

Why didn't he fight me back?

Is this what he wanted all along?

I start to feel a little anger towards him. I know I shouldn't, I know I'm the one who broke it off but why didn't he at least try to convince me? The tears start falling again and I make no move to wipe them off, it's no use. Suddenly I'm reading through our old texts. It's a wonderful feeling but also the worst ever. We sound so normal. Like a normal couple should sound. I don't see how we went from this to where we are now. I should stop this but I guess reading this makes me feel like somehow there's still a little bit of him here with me.

I wake up Sunday and the first thing I see is my phone clutched in my hand. Zayn and I's texts looking right back at me. I exit with a huge sigh. I don't even know when or how I fell asleep. I shower then get dressed in my sweatpants and a shirt. I go to the kitchen and make some cereal for myself. After three or four spoons, I lose my appetite. After swirling the spoon in the milk for a few seconds, I see someone passing the door quickly.

"I know it's you Trevor." I say blankly. He laughs nervously and he enters the kitchen, standing in front of me.

"Hey..."

"Hey."

"How are you doing. You know, with everything?"

"I'm fine thanks." I give him a weak smile. "So since when are you two a thing?"

"A few days I think." He scratches the back of his neck. Cate enters the kitchen and she gives me a side hug and a kiss on my cheek. "We're not really a couple, just seeing where this goes."