Catch 22

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© 2017 D.S. Little
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Danielle

I had woken up early that next morning and made my way down to the beach. I didn't get much sleep because I was still trying to allow everything to sink in. I was officially divorced. That statement came with mixed feelings now that it was a reality.

Knowing all along that the paperwork was being processed was one thing, technically I was still Christian's wife and for some reason I had a comfort in knowing that I still had to be in his life. It was somewhat of a safety net. I still loved Christian and I would probably always love him but I needed to try something new and Odell was new for me. With Christian I felt a comfort that I didn't feel with any other man but I wasn't sure if that was love or if that was because we had been together for so long.

During this separation I realized that regardless of my feelings, I had to move forward with my life because I had to see what being with someone else was like. I just didn't expect that someone to be Odell Beckham Jr.

Unlike with a normal guy Odell came with so many other variables that terrified me and forced me to keep a wall up when it came to him. I saw weakness in him after what he did in Green Bay, but then I saw strength in him last night with the way he allowed me to cry about my divorce without making me feel bad about it.

I don't even know why I was crying about it in the first place, it sort of caught me off guard. It felt like I was grieving the loss of something and that something just happened to be my first love. It hit me hard and after all of the "couple" talking we had done in the past two days, much of Vic and Elaine's story reminded me of me and Christian, minus the kid and 90% of the drama they had.

I sat on the sand at the edge of the water with my feet buried in the wet sand. The water rolled back and forth underneath me. The sun was just rising serving as a peaceful backdrop. I wasn't sure what time it was but I knew it was early. It was eerily quiet out and I was left with my many thoughts.

"I don't like waking up by myself." I heard Odell's voice say from above me.

I looked up and smiled at him, he was shirtless with just his swim trunks on. He sat down on the sand next to me and leaned over to give me a kiss.

"Is that right?" I said playfully.

"How long have you been out here?" He picked up a shell and threw it into the ocean.

"I don't know, about an hour or so." I answered, "I just needed to do some thinking and I didn't wanna wake you."

"Thinkin bout what?" He asked after a long pause.

"My life..." I sighed. "It feels like things in my life have been going 100 mph this past year." I looked over at him. "I went from being married to my first love, to cheating on him, to losing my home, to him leaving me, to getting with you, to now being divorced...that's a lot for one year."

"Regrets?"

"Everyone has regrets when it comes to their life, at least if they are really being honest with themselves."

"Any regrets when it comes to me?" His arms were rested on his knees and he bent this head towards me awaiting my answer.

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