Ebony & Ivory [H.S]

Thirty-Eight

"Runnin', runnin', runnin'. Ain't runnin' from myself no more, I'm ready to face it all. If I lose myself, I lose it all..."

"Are you sure you don't want to eat anything Essie?" Phil asks me, looking quite concerned. "You didn't touch much of your lunch either."

He's right. Eating has somehow shifted further down on my list of priorities throughout the past couple of days, though truthfully, the thought of eating makes me feel nauseous.

"I'm good, I had a snack before dinner," I lie, wanting to politely get him off my case. He shouldn't have to have me to worry about - especially not in the state that he's in with his own health.

"How about instead of going home tomorrow, you stay here another night? I'm sure -"

"No, that won't be necessary," I interrupt, hoping to make my intentions clear. "Besides, my neighbour Mr. Andrews is only feeding Bette Davis until tomorrow. I need to go back home."

Mr Andrews kindly offered to take care of Bette Davis while I had to get away, and although I know he'd be able to help me out with a couple of extra days, I need to get back home and face the music.

"Isn't tomorrow the day... the day you get those results back?" Phil asks, talking about one of the several things I've placed at the back of my mind. Not that it's doing me any favours. I push away the things I don't want to deal with, that never quite go away. My troubles gnaw away at my brain, and I feel a heavy sense of dread in the form of a pit in my stomach. Sometimes I just want to run. Run far, far away from everything. But you can't run away from yourself.

"And Harry... does he know what's going on?"

Wow, he's really on a roll today. What else does he want to bring up next? The topic of Alfie perhaps? Thankfully, he doesn't know about Alfie yet.

"No," I sigh, stacking some dishes in the sink, running hot water over them to soak. "I don't want him to know. This is my concern, and no longer his."

"But Ess, I really think -"

"Please, Phil. Don't," I beg, my tone warning him not to proceed. I'm so emotionally strung that anything could potentially set me off. I don't want things to become heated with the one person who loves me unconditionally. He wordlessly holds up his hands, signalling to me that he's going to drop the issue, and for that I'm grateful.