Ebony & Ivory [H.S]

Ten

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"Hello darkness my old friend..."

I sit in my childhood bedroom, wondering how and when my life became this. How I've suddenly felt so lost and out of place, in a seemingly unfixable situation with no foreseeable chance of happiness. My cheeks sting slightly from the tears I've cried, and I place my face into my pillow while I cry silent, heart-wrenching sobs, trying not to wake my step dad, Phil.

Coming home was the best decision for me. It's been twenty-four hours since the fight between Harry and I, and I'm still left with this feeling that my life is completely, and utterly hopeless. Yes, we've had our fair share of arguments, but he's never left me. It's one thing he's promised me he would never do, and here I am - alone, and crying into my pillow like a sad, little girl.

I didn't think it was right to tell Phil about the fight Harry and I had, although I know he's aware that something isn't right. There's something so shameful in acknowledging that you're having issues with your boyfriend. It's almost like a direct hit to your personal pride that forces you to recognise that maybe you've made a mistake. The last thing I'd ever want is to confide in Phil, and then to make up with Harry shortly after, then later regret opening up. I also don't want for Phil to think badly of Harry. Why sabotage their relationship, when they're both the only family I know?

Beyond asking me if I was okay - to which I obviously responded that I was, Phil maintained the safe level of distance that I put up with my emotional walls. I could see his internal struggle - unsure of whether to press further, or to leave me be.

"I'm fine," I explained to him.

"Are you sure?" he checked, "You used to have this... light in you. I don't see that anymore Ebony. It's like you've been dimmed. You don't seem like the same girl that I used to know."

"I'm fine," I repeated, kissing him on the cheek, but it scares me how much truth there is behind his words. It's like I've lost a piece of myself with Harry that I can't get back. That I've lost my spirit, and my view of the world that I never thought could ever change. You can't help but look at the world differently when the person that's ultimately meant to love and protect you, is the one hurting you the most.