Fifty-One

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"I've been looking sad in all the nicest places... I see you around in all these empty faces"

 I see you around in all these empty faces"

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"Ivy, come on!" I hear calling from the entranceway of our house, though I don't move from my position on the edge of my bed

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"Ivy, come on!" I hear calling from the entranceway of our house, though I don't move from my position on the edge of my bed. I mean, physically I'm packed for our trip to Mauritius. Celia ensured of that last night when she put all of my things roughly together in a suitcase.

Her footsteps get louder and louder until she's standing there in my doorway, sunglasses on, despite the contrasting weather outside.

"Babe, the driver's waiting. We can't be late."

"I know," I answer taking a deep breath while offering a stiff smile. "I just feel like I'm missing something."

"Trust me," she exclaims. "Coming from the person who packed your case, you have enough to get you by in any climate, for any occasion."

Doesn't she understand that what I'm leaving behind can't simply fit into my suitcase?

"Alright then, let's go shall we?" I suggest, putting on a brave face as I grab my handbag and phone. This was my idea after all, though the motive behind the trip somehow transitioned from being a trip for Celia to take her mind off things, to being about me and my sudden issues.

"I just need to use the bathroom real quick. Meet you in the car?" I offer, as she rolls her eyes dramatically, eager to leave.

When I hear that she's definitely left the house, I head to the bar tray, and take an empty flask. Filling it with some vodka, I hide it away within a pouch in my bag, before I take a quick sip from the bottle.

Better.

As I go to the effort of covering the flask with a headscarf, I can't help but feel as though I'm doing something wrong. I am an adult, and can do as I like, but I don't need any more scrutinisation from Celia about how I should be acting. If I need some alcohol to put me in a better mood, then I should be able to do so.

Running out to the car, Celia hangs her body half out the window, calling out to me.

"Did you lock the front door?" she screams, surely waking up the neighbours.

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